On Halloween night, I managed to lose my driver's license in New York between the parade and the bar...it was a fucking downer. I've been in a pissier mood than usual ever since.
Well, I came home today and someone had sent my ID back to my parents' house (where my ID is still from, because I don't own a car and it's $50+ cheaper) and they forwarded it along to me. I'm so damn charmed that I almost believe that humanity is basically good and decent.
Please feel free to guess at how long this mood will last and what will cause it to break.
UPDATE: 8:32 a.m. Thursday morning. F'ing Metro.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Too Cute to Keep to Myself
I've been slipping on leaves all week (in flip flops, because when it gets unseasonably warm like this, it's wrong not to revert to one's California ways.) But Christopher Neimann did the perfect welcome-to-fall treatment. Almost makes me love the leaves on the ground (and I definitely love the approaching holidays.) This one just happens to be my favorite, but check out the full post--there are several gems. Happy fall, everyone.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Melrose Face
As you could probably guess from my gushing about how good new Melrose Place is combined with the picture to the right, I've been counting down to this very night--Amanda Woodward's return to Melrose! I dug the whole "bitch is back" promo thing, and from the quick cuts to Heather Locklear's face, she seemed to be holding up well with age.
Two commercial breaks in, she's so nipped, tucked and botoxed that she can barely talk. I much prefer Daphne Zuniga's pass on the boty, even if it does bore Wendy Williams.
Two commercial breaks in, she's so nipped, tucked and botoxed that she can barely talk. I much prefer Daphne Zuniga's pass on the boty, even if it does bore Wendy Williams.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
DC, We Need to Talk...
About your terrible fashion sense! Winter is upon us and generally one would think that folks would cover up against the cold. Apparently not.
I've been a fan of tights, particularly instead of leggings. They're difficult to confuse with pants (but just in case you wondered, NOT PANTS. Neither leggings nor tights are pants. It's very important that we all recognize this.) And, unlike leggings, they don't cut off height and make short gals (like myself) look shorter.
But the lycra abusers of this city can get all kinds of things wrong. Another thing leggings and tights don't do: make your skirt an appropriate length. Now I'll admit, tights can push that skirt that's on the border of being work appropriate or not over the edge if they're in the same color family and that color is muted, but if your ass is about to peek out of the bottom of your skirt, it doesn't make it ok if it's "covered" with tights. All of the following pictures were taken in the middle of a work day.
Besides having a whole lot of property with a very little real estate on top of it (that's my way of saying "fat ass in a little skirt"), this woman on a cold, windy, rainy day, has chosen to cover her legs with nothing but thin, brightly colored, ugly patterned tights. Patterned tights can be cute, but they can also go very very wrong. They tend to be better on darker colors and thicker tights. Tami once witnessed the most unfortunate patterned tights of all--skin toned pattern tights. Looks. Like. Leg fungus. Long story short, if in the slightest bit of doubt, just say no to patterned tights.
The pattern below is, at least, kind of amusing. I would argue that it's too loud to be work appropriate, and that skirt is unquestionably too short. And last but not least, while I have woken up late for work and thrown on layers of black and gray until I was convinced that there was enough pseudo-matching that it came back around on the other side of fine looking (like how communism becomes sort of like fascism if you go far enough left even though fascism is far right. What, that didn't clarify the theory?) But I'm pretty sure this gal got up, put herself together, and thought she was looking fab. Well honey, you're fat, sparkling and not matching. Also, we don't include faces on this blog, but she had some truly heinous highlights.
And, well, as long as we're taking pictures of people, TWINS!! Maybe shopping with our friends isn't a good idea. [Shrug]
I've been a fan of tights, particularly instead of leggings. They're difficult to confuse with pants (but just in case you wondered, NOT PANTS. Neither leggings nor tights are pants. It's very important that we all recognize this.) And, unlike leggings, they don't cut off height and make short gals (like myself) look shorter.
But the lycra abusers of this city can get all kinds of things wrong. Another thing leggings and tights don't do: make your skirt an appropriate length. Now I'll admit, tights can push that skirt that's on the border of being work appropriate or not over the edge if they're in the same color family and that color is muted, but if your ass is about to peek out of the bottom of your skirt, it doesn't make it ok if it's "covered" with tights. All of the following pictures were taken in the middle of a work day.
Besides having a whole lot of property with a very little real estate on top of it (that's my way of saying "fat ass in a little skirt"), this woman on a cold, windy, rainy day, has chosen to cover her legs with nothing but thin, brightly colored, ugly patterned tights. Patterned tights can be cute, but they can also go very very wrong. They tend to be better on darker colors and thicker tights. Tami once witnessed the most unfortunate patterned tights of all--skin toned pattern tights. Looks. Like. Leg fungus. Long story short, if in the slightest bit of doubt, just say no to patterned tights.
The pattern below is, at least, kind of amusing. I would argue that it's too loud to be work appropriate, and that skirt is unquestionably too short. And last but not least, while I have woken up late for work and thrown on layers of black and gray until I was convinced that there was enough pseudo-matching that it came back around on the other side of fine looking (like how communism becomes sort of like fascism if you go far enough left even though fascism is far right. What, that didn't clarify the theory?) But I'm pretty sure this gal got up, put herself together, and thought she was looking fab. Well honey, you're fat, sparkling and not matching. Also, we don't include faces on this blog, but she had some truly heinous highlights.
And, well, as long as we're taking pictures of people, TWINS!! Maybe shopping with our friends isn't a good idea. [Shrug]
This Is Not a Small Mistake
Jon Stewart--whom I watch nightly--pointed out recently that Fox News has grossly exaggerated the attendance at a recent health care rally by using older footage of a better attended rally. Sean Hannity admitted that Stewart was right and apologized for the distortion...sort of...
Is it just me, or was that a little glib for someone who just tried to manipulate the political system by outright lying on what is supposed to be a news broadcast. He acts like Jon is picking on them for a production mistake. And while it may have been an inadvertent switch (I kind of doubt it) the effect of the footage was to drastically distort the truth of the story being reported. Given the implications there, I think the apology should have taken a tone that was closer to reverent and farther from snide.
Then again, I may just be carrying over some Republican rage from having recently watched this:
No wonder I left Georgia.
Is it just me, or was that a little glib for someone who just tried to manipulate the political system by outright lying on what is supposed to be a news broadcast. He acts like Jon is picking on them for a production mistake. And while it may have been an inadvertent switch (I kind of doubt it) the effect of the footage was to drastically distort the truth of the story being reported. Given the implications there, I think the apology should have taken a tone that was closer to reverent and farther from snide.
Then again, I may just be carrying over some Republican rage from having recently watched this:
No wonder I left Georgia.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
ANTM: Shorter Models and Smaller Budget
The recession has clearly hit ANTM. While there still appears to be ample money for Tyrant's weaves and drag ensembles, the rest of the show appears to be done on the cheap.
Exhibit A: The loss of Paulina Porizkova (or any 5th judge for that matter)
Paulina was that great combination of bitch and sage. She was, as Tyra would say, "fierce" but old enough that Tyra wasn't threatened. Little clue: when Tyra says "legendary" she means "much older than me."
Now there are only 4 judges with a guest judge - who often seems pretty bargain basement (e.g. Lauren Conrad) or is a FOT (friend of Tyra).
Exhibit B: The prizes seem to be less extravagant
Rather than giving the winning girl and 3 friends jewelry or any of them expensive shoes/clothes (and yes, I do know that one challenge winner did get a boat load of free designer duds), most of the prizes are advertorials in Seventeen, extra frames at photo shoots, or Wal-Mart gift cards.
Exhibit C: The trip to Hawaii
Each season the final six girls head to a "fashion capital" to finish out the competition. Well, this year's fashion capital is Hawaii. Now, I've been a little suspect as to whether or not previous destinations constituted fashion capitals (Johannesburg, I am looking at you), but Tyra didn't even pretend Hawaii is a place for fashion. Sure, they shoot plenty of swimsuit catalogues and Victoria's Secret crap there, but flip flops and swimwear do not a fashion destination make.
Exhibit D: The discount contestants
It's almost like Tyra went with short girls because she couldn't afford full-sized ones this year.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Dear Under-Developed Beings with Rolley Briefcases...
You are the scourge of humanity. You take up an extra stair on the escalator. You cut people off and don't even f'ing notice--you're like people who suddenly gain tons of weight and then underestimate their radius of clearance. You practically take up the walking space of an entire second person...an entire second person that you've conveniently forgotten that you're dragging behind you.
One day I'm going to walk around with a red wagon purposely cutting off people with rolley briefcases and acting oblivious just to see if I can get one of them to express displeasure so that I can yell at them.
One day I'm going to walk around with a red wagon purposely cutting off people with rolley briefcases and acting oblivious just to see if I can get one of them to express displeasure so that I can yell at them.
Two Ugly Things Happened at the Cal Game
One, of course, being bitchface.
The second, in case you missed it (and I'm not particularly advocating you watch it--it's pretty gnarly--but I just wanted to give you the option)...
Jahvid Best is a god on the football field, Cal will miss him desperately for the remainder of the season, and we two bitches wish him a speedy recovery.
The second, in case you missed it (and I'm not particularly advocating you watch it--it's pretty gnarly--but I just wanted to give you the option)...
Jahvid Best is a god on the football field, Cal will miss him desperately for the remainder of the season, and we two bitches wish him a speedy recovery.
Color Me Skeptical
Several friends have recently linked me to The Fun Theory, an initiative by Volkswagen that postulates that people will do things that are good for themselves and for the environment if those things are fun.
Here's an example, aimed at getting people to recycle glass bottles:
I have no problem with the theory--surely we'd all rather do something that's fun than not, but I have to question the net gain and sustainability of the project. First, how much energy and material is required to turn recycling bottles into an arcade game? Doesn't it at least diminish the return on recycled materials? Would it be cost prohibitive for cities to roll out? And, if cities did invest in fun theory solutions, would it maintain the same efficacy over time? I tend to doubt it. Surely part of the appeal must be a the novelty effect, which drops off severely over time.
The whole thing makes for amusing YouTube videos, but I think it's a long way off from actually perpetuating social good.
Here's an example, aimed at getting people to recycle glass bottles:
I have no problem with the theory--surely we'd all rather do something that's fun than not, but I have to question the net gain and sustainability of the project. First, how much energy and material is required to turn recycling bottles into an arcade game? Doesn't it at least diminish the return on recycled materials? Would it be cost prohibitive for cities to roll out? And, if cities did invest in fun theory solutions, would it maintain the same efficacy over time? I tend to doubt it. Surely part of the appeal must be a the novelty effect, which drops off severely over time.
The whole thing makes for amusing YouTube videos, but I think it's a long way off from actually perpetuating social good.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Pardon Me, But I Believe You Have a Case of Bitchface
So, a couple weeks ago, a friend of mine got incredibly drunk and hooked up with some chick none of us had ever seen before at one of the alumni Cal game viewings. Not being as drunk as he was at the time, I tried to stop him. "Look," I pleaded, "she's not very cute. You're being fooled because you're very drunk, she's acting like she's attractive, and she's wearing tight clothes. In the morning, you're going to find that she's a couple sizes too big for those clothes and she has an ugly face." In the morning, he found that I was right.
Now, this girl is lame, and I guarantee you, you know someone like her. She is the kind of girl who wants very much to be perceived as cool, and so does a perpetual, over the top Regina George impression. She conspicuously gets up, walks around, makes a show of saying hello to multiple people, talks loudly... She's a trying too hard ho with bad skin and frizzy brown hair with a single streak of white highlight on the left side of her face and a real bad case of bitchface. Disgusting.
Well, she disappeared the following week, and we were all sort of hoping she was a collective bad dream...though the friend who hooked up with her knew differently, for she is also the type to purposely leave something behind in the hopes of getting a second date. Seriously, girl is gross.
But no no, she re-emerged the week after, got wicked drunk, kind of fell all over the place, and threw herself at the friend she'd hooked up with. Like not a little toss, full on threw herself to the point of getting jealous every time the friend talked to any of his female friends (myself included) and admonishing him for "paying attention to plain girls instead of her." Really, Ugly? Really?
Well, this week she was back (and the friend she hooked up with was not), and early on in the game, she made a loud announcement that she was tripping over things. Annoyed at her continued loud (and what I assumed was once again inebriated) behavior, I asked the two friends she'd made from our table if they could please stop bringing her. Next thing I know, I'm in the ladies room and the following conversation ensues (reconstructed to the best of my ability)...
Bitchface: I think we need a minute.
Me: I really don't think we do.
BF: Well, you said something kind of aggressive to my friends.
Me: I mean, I don't like you. I don't think we need a minute to discuss that.
BF: OK, but you don't even know me.
Me: Well, no, not well, but I still find you really annoying. And you were acting a drunk 'n bitchy fool last time I saw you.
BF: I wasn't drunk. Who are you to say when I'm drunk?
Me: OK, well, in that case you were acting like an idiot sober. Doesn't make it better.
BF: OK, I guess our personalities might clash, but I graduated before you, which means I have more right to alumni events than you do [eds note: this is your argument? really? I don't even know when she graduated or why I've never seen her at events pre-the bad idea hook up if that's the case, but she knows like maybe 5 people] so don't tell someone who's not even an alum and someone who graduated after me not to bring me places.
Me: I'm pretty sure I'll tell anyone anything I want, but thanks.
BF: Ok, well, you enjoy the game in your little Converse.
Me: Thanks, you enjoy it with your bad skin and your frizzy hair and your ugly highlight.
Now here's my question: Who the fuck has a problem with Converse?
Now, this girl is lame, and I guarantee you, you know someone like her. She is the kind of girl who wants very much to be perceived as cool, and so does a perpetual, over the top Regina George impression. She conspicuously gets up, walks around, makes a show of saying hello to multiple people, talks loudly... She's a trying too hard ho with bad skin and frizzy brown hair with a single streak of white highlight on the left side of her face and a real bad case of bitchface. Disgusting.
Well, she disappeared the following week, and we were all sort of hoping she was a collective bad dream...though the friend who hooked up with her knew differently, for she is also the type to purposely leave something behind in the hopes of getting a second date. Seriously, girl is gross.
But no no, she re-emerged the week after, got wicked drunk, kind of fell all over the place, and threw herself at the friend she'd hooked up with. Like not a little toss, full on threw herself to the point of getting jealous every time the friend talked to any of his female friends (myself included) and admonishing him for "paying attention to plain girls instead of her." Really, Ugly? Really?
Well, this week she was back (and the friend she hooked up with was not), and early on in the game, she made a loud announcement that she was tripping over things. Annoyed at her continued loud (and what I assumed was once again inebriated) behavior, I asked the two friends she'd made from our table if they could please stop bringing her. Next thing I know, I'm in the ladies room and the following conversation ensues (reconstructed to the best of my ability)...
Bitchface: I think we need a minute.
Me: I really don't think we do.
BF: Well, you said something kind of aggressive to my friends.
Me: I mean, I don't like you. I don't think we need a minute to discuss that.
BF: OK, but you don't even know me.
Me: Well, no, not well, but I still find you really annoying. And you were acting a drunk 'n bitchy fool last time I saw you.
BF: I wasn't drunk. Who are you to say when I'm drunk?
Me: OK, well, in that case you were acting like an idiot sober. Doesn't make it better.
BF: OK, I guess our personalities might clash, but I graduated before you, which means I have more right to alumni events than you do [eds note: this is your argument? really? I don't even know when she graduated or why I've never seen her at events pre-the bad idea hook up if that's the case, but she knows like maybe 5 people] so don't tell someone who's not even an alum and someone who graduated after me not to bring me places.
Me: I'm pretty sure I'll tell anyone anything I want, but thanks.
BF: Ok, well, you enjoy the game in your little Converse.
Me: Thanks, you enjoy it with your bad skin and your frizzy hair and your ugly highlight.
Now here's my question: Who the fuck has a problem with Converse?
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Top Chef All Stars Dinner...Eye Roll
As our readers well know, at 2B1B we consider ourselves foodies and true television lovers, so Top Chef is a natural fit for us. But I truly resent clips shows and reunions. I thought maybe the Top Chef All Star Dinner would be different...but really just no.
It's like what Joan Cusack says of her high school reunion in Grosse Pointe Blank: "It's just as if everyone had swelled." And Casey, you're very sweet and very hot, but why does your hair color just never ever look good?
I guess it's interesting to see that Marcel is still a little bitch and that lovably cantankerous Stefan is going to tell him where to shove it, but Bravo, on the off chance that you're listening, none of us really care, we mostly just want to have dinner ourselves with Fabio and the cast of season 3.
It's like what Joan Cusack says of her high school reunion in Grosse Pointe Blank: "It's just as if everyone had swelled." And Casey, you're very sweet and very hot, but why does your hair color just never ever look good?
I guess it's interesting to see that Marcel is still a little bitch and that lovably cantankerous Stefan is going to tell him where to shove it, but Bravo, on the off chance that you're listening, none of us really care, we mostly just want to have dinner ourselves with Fabio and the cast of season 3.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
I Think You're Being Overcharged...
Back in September, Tami made a really good point about the voice over on one of our mutual favorite shows, How I Met Your Mother.
Watching Gossip Girl, another question on the same subject occurs to me: what's with the famous folks voicing unseen roles? Besides being unrealistic, pretending that Josh Radnor is going to suddenly sound like Bob Saget in the next twenty years just seems like bad business--why pay two actors when you could pay one?
And what the hell is Kristen Bell doing as the voice of Gossip Girl? I guess she has a distinctive voice...sorta...kinda, but she's also damn hot and riding some Forgetting Sarah Marshall fame (and how could we possibly forget Veronica Mars?!) You're telling me there's not one slightly pudgey, eh looking current-waitress-wannabe-actress chick in all of Hollywood with a decent voice who would gleefully perform that role for a tenth of the price and, at the producers' request--nay, demand--pretend to be a press hating recluse? There is a recession, people!
Hell, I'd do it. XOXO.
Watching Gossip Girl, another question on the same subject occurs to me: what's with the famous folks voicing unseen roles? Besides being unrealistic, pretending that Josh Radnor is going to suddenly sound like Bob Saget in the next twenty years just seems like bad business--why pay two actors when you could pay one?
And what the hell is Kristen Bell doing as the voice of Gossip Girl? I guess she has a distinctive voice...sorta...kinda, but she's also damn hot and riding some Forgetting Sarah Marshall fame (and how could we possibly forget Veronica Mars?!) You're telling me there's not one slightly pudgey, eh looking current-waitress-wannabe-actress chick in all of Hollywood with a decent voice who would gleefully perform that role for a tenth of the price and, at the producers' request--nay, demand--pretend to be a press hating recluse? There is a recession, people!
Hell, I'd do it. XOXO.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Someone had to do it...
I've complained with many friends about family members on Facebook. Some of my friends are now in the older sibling role, where you're raining on all of the irresponsible pseudo-public personal information fun. I myself have been subjected to my mother and my aunts joining Facebook.
My mother feels my Facebook profile hurts my chances for sustained employment because I'm openly a liberal and an atheist, privacy settings, non-discrimination laws, and a vastly different culture outside of the southeast aside.
My aunt believes that, because I update my status with when I'm going to be out of town, there is a very elaborate burglar out there who will Facebook friend me, some how find my address, wait for me to go out of town, hide outside my apartment building until someone leaves the front door open a crack, and then jimmy the lock on my apartment door with a credit card and/or screw driver. Frankly, I'd be flattered at the effort.
Tami and I have commiserated about late comers to the Facebook movement constantly updating their status, commenting on everything I do, and continuously inviting me to accept some flower, small animal or even their hearts [eye roll].
Some geniuses out there started compiling the annoying ridiculousness that parents perpetuate on Facebook in the STFU, Marrieds and Believers style, and we love them!
My mother feels my Facebook profile hurts my chances for sustained employment because I'm openly a liberal and an atheist, privacy settings, non-discrimination laws, and a vastly different culture outside of the southeast aside.
My aunt believes that, because I update my status with when I'm going to be out of town, there is a very elaborate burglar out there who will Facebook friend me, some how find my address, wait for me to go out of town, hide outside my apartment building until someone leaves the front door open a crack, and then jimmy the lock on my apartment door with a credit card and/or screw driver. Frankly, I'd be flattered at the effort.
Tami and I have commiserated about late comers to the Facebook movement constantly updating their status, commenting on everything I do, and continuously inviting me to accept some flower, small animal or even their hearts [eye roll].
Some geniuses out there started compiling the annoying ridiculousness that parents perpetuate on Facebook in the STFU, Marrieds and Believers style, and we love them!
My New Favorite Band
My dear friends PD and AH pointed me towards this video about how awful pregnant women are, which I just so thoroughly agree with.
Then I started browsing the Garfunkel and Oates channel and found that they're comedy goddesses among women (and the blonde one is super hot.) "Me, You and Steve" is a relatable one for the single gals out there (and LR and LH's fave), but I personally really like this one:
Then I started browsing the Garfunkel and Oates channel and found that they're comedy goddesses among women (and the blonde one is super hot.) "Me, You and Steve" is a relatable one for the single gals out there (and LR and LH's fave), but I personally really like this one:
Friday, October 30, 2009
Monday, October 26, 2009
Oh Internet, How I Love You
As is often a favorite topic of conversation, friends and I were discussing my 38 year old brother's 22 year old girlfriend. We went on an amusing journey through her unprotected Facebook photos and stumbled upon fugly internet gold. Please enjoy.
me: her friend designs ugly ass clothes, wow
Wen: i'm so glad i left the south
me: f'ing tell me about it. look at these ugly ass clothes http://www.facebook.com/search/?q=Devan+Logan&init=quick#/photo.php?pid=79795&id=100000227014223
Wen: ok gross. why did you show me that
me: because it's like a car wreck...can't look away and want to point it out to others
Wen: it wasn't a joke. i thought it was, but it's a real advertisement for someone's design. And it looks like they used a camera phone to take the shot
me: right?!
Wen: it looks like a ten year old's art project
me: I know!
Wen: it looks like a picture someone would display in a picture frame made out of Popsicle sticks
me: hahaha
me: Oh, wait wait...yes! http://copelanddesigns.com/
Wen: they look like costumes
me: http://www.myspace.com/copeland_designs
Wen: OH DEAR GOD
me: oh god, it's just so good. I hate to admit this, but Devan dresses well; there's no way she likes this shit
Wen: how can anyone?? i know hippies who might, but they pull it off better
me: what are you talking about, I love brightly colored taffeta on fat girls
Wen: i'm gonna wrap this tulle around me and tie the ends in a ribbon that mounts on my head!
me: fashion!
Wen: birthday cake chic
me: her friend designs ugly ass clothes, wow
Wen: i'm so glad i left the south
me: f'ing tell me about it. look at these ugly ass clothes http://www.facebook.com/search/?q=Devan+Logan&init=quick#/photo.php?pid=79795&id=100000227014223
Wen: ok gross. why did you show me that
me: because it's like a car wreck...can't look away and want to point it out to others
Wen: it wasn't a joke. i thought it was, but it's a real advertisement for someone's design. And it looks like they used a camera phone to take the shot
me: right?!
Wen: it looks like a ten year old's art project
me: I know!
Wen: it looks like a picture someone would display in a picture frame made out of Popsicle sticks
me: hahaha
me: Oh, wait wait...yes! http://copelanddesigns.com/
Wen: they look like costumes
me: http://www.myspace.com/copeland_designs
Wen: OH DEAR GOD
me: oh god, it's just so good. I hate to admit this, but Devan dresses well; there's no way she likes this shit
Wen: how can anyone?? i know hippies who might, but they pull it off better
me: what are you talking about, I love brightly colored taffeta on fat girls
Wen: i'm gonna wrap this tulle around me and tie the ends in a ribbon that mounts on my head!
me: fashion!
Wen: birthday cake chic
Sunday, October 25, 2009
There, there Ashlee...
C'mon over, we'll split a bottle of champagne, and Tami and I will admire your nose job. (Seriously, that schnoz is a thing of beauty.)
For those that missed the news (and apologies, Tami and I have been under a rock, so we didn't deliver it), Ms. Simpson-Wentz was cut from New Melrose Place, as was Colin Egglesfield (Auggie).
Now, my fellow bitch and I are split on New 90210, but we both agree that New Melrose Place is delicious. It's properly scandalous, the characters are kind of great, Katie Cassidy--despite sometimes being styled ridiculously--is awesome, and it pays great homage to the original without, as Tami pointed out, relegating the new folks to supporting characters the way New 90210 misstepped in the beginning. It's just really good bad TV.
That said, Ashlee Simpson-Wentz pretty much sucks ass. She's just a real bad actress. I think Tyra Banks was her acting instructor, because she spends most of her time on that show "smizing" and overall it reads as crazy eyes. And her character is also genuinely off-putting, which isn't at all her fault, but is still just unfortunate for her. BUT she plays Sydney Andrews daughter, and there's not a person on this planet who looks more like the spawn of Laura Leighton. And it's not like the actors and actresses on the original 90210 or Melrose Place were gifted thespians. These shows can carry a few bad actors.
So is it a smart move on the part of the show? I'm just not sure. I guess it really depends on how they wrap up the Sydney Andrews murder drama. But I will says that on multiple occasions I've recommended to a friend that she watch New Melrose Place, and she's responded that she would, but Ashlee Simpson-Wentz is on it, so how good can it be? If the chick is dragging down ratings, I support the show's producers, because letting this thing get canceled would be a travesty for humanity. I'm only half kidding.
As for Colin Egglesfield, I didn't know his name until this story broke, but I'm in serious anguish. He was, without question, the hottest thing on that show. I love the dark, broody, motor-cycle riding type. He was going to replace the Dylan McKay crush I've held onto for way too long.
For those that missed the news (and apologies, Tami and I have been under a rock, so we didn't deliver it), Ms. Simpson-Wentz was cut from New Melrose Place, as was Colin Egglesfield (Auggie).
Now, my fellow bitch and I are split on New 90210, but we both agree that New Melrose Place is delicious. It's properly scandalous, the characters are kind of great, Katie Cassidy--despite sometimes being styled ridiculously--is awesome, and it pays great homage to the original without, as Tami pointed out, relegating the new folks to supporting characters the way New 90210 misstepped in the beginning. It's just really good bad TV.
That said, Ashlee Simpson-Wentz pretty much sucks ass. She's just a real bad actress. I think Tyra Banks was her acting instructor, because she spends most of her time on that show "smizing" and overall it reads as crazy eyes. And her character is also genuinely off-putting, which isn't at all her fault, but is still just unfortunate for her. BUT she plays Sydney Andrews daughter, and there's not a person on this planet who looks more like the spawn of Laura Leighton. And it's not like the actors and actresses on the original 90210 or Melrose Place were gifted thespians. These shows can carry a few bad actors.
So is it a smart move on the part of the show? I'm just not sure. I guess it really depends on how they wrap up the Sydney Andrews murder drama. But I will says that on multiple occasions I've recommended to a friend that she watch New Melrose Place, and she's responded that she would, but Ashlee Simpson-Wentz is on it, so how good can it be? If the chick is dragging down ratings, I support the show's producers, because letting this thing get canceled would be a travesty for humanity. I'm only half kidding.
As for Colin Egglesfield, I didn't know his name until this story broke, but I'm in serious anguish. He was, without question, the hottest thing on that show. I love the dark, broody, motor-cycle riding type. He was going to replace the Dylan McKay crush I've held onto for way too long.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Important News!
There is a cause for concern: hand sanitizer shortage! Oh. My. God.
I kind of love H1N1...if only for bringing us pictures like this:
I kind of love H1N1...if only for bringing us pictures like this:
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
We're Turning 100
This here is our hundredth post. Tami and I thought long and hard about what it should be--something that encompassed the blog up to this point while speaking to the enormity of life, love and the universe...
Then, we came in contact with this gent, and we thought "fuck it."
Wish you'd all been there, both to witness his full George-Michael-wardrobe-meets-Flock-of-Seagulls-hair glory, and to see us trying to surreptitiously take a picture of him.
We really appreciate all of our readers, from our old friends with their sassy comments and topic suggestions to the new folks we've e-met. Here's a cheers to y'all, the start of Ugg season, and the next hundred posts, likely to feature many pictures of Ugg-abusers.
Thanks again to the fashion victims and our readers who love them,
Tami and Elle
Then, we came in contact with this gent, and we thought "fuck it."
Wish you'd all been there, both to witness his full George-Michael-wardrobe-meets-Flock-of-Seagulls-hair glory, and to see us trying to surreptitiously take a picture of him.
We really appreciate all of our readers, from our old friends with their sassy comments and topic suggestions to the new folks we've e-met. Here's a cheers to y'all, the start of Ugg season, and the next hundred posts, likely to feature many pictures of Ugg-abusers.
Thanks again to the fashion victims and our readers who love them,
Tami and Elle
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Stand Up for Equality
I am going to follow Elle's suit and do a rare, serious post on a political issue that's been bugging the hell out of me, and I feel like ranting about.
When Prop 8 actually passed in California, I honestly felt sick to my stomach. I could not believe that people could really vote to "Eliminate the right of same sex couples to marry." People voted to eliminate the rights of other human beings. It's disgusting.
What's even more disgusting are the narrow-minded, homophobic, and hypocritical arguments employed by the religious right against same-sex marriage.
For example (and this is a popular one), it would harm the institution of marriage. Let me translate this for you:
Your heterosexual marriage will somehow be less valid if we allow same sex couples the same rights.
That is just absurd. First of all, marriage is nothing more than a societal construct and tax shelter. It isn't some union ordained by god. In fact, it used to come with a dowry so that men could get some value out of having daughters - it was a business transaction! Furthermore, if anything is harmful to the "institution of marriage" it's the fact that Britney Spears can get married for 56 hours on some bender in Vegas to a guy with the same real name as George from Seinfeld.
Next, people like to say, "if we let a man marry a man or a woman marry a woman, what's next? Will I be able to marry my dog or my toaster?" My response to anyone who actually asked me that would as follows:
Sir/ma'am, the fact that it even crosses your mind to marry your dog or toaster makes me very concerned for you. Furthermore, I cannot believe you are equating a human being with a dog or toaster - and I don't give a crap what Leviticus says about it.
Finally, there is the argument about how it will lead to the degradation of the American family - because then same-sex couples will be able to more easily adopt unwanted children who will otherwise potentially live our the rest of their days in foster care or worse. Please, please homophobic religious conservatives, save the children from a loving set of parents who will provide for them and give them a real home! After all, how can anyone possibly be happy and healthy with 2 moms or 2 dads? It must be better for them to live in foster care or group homes.
It is also shocking to me on the prop 8 front that the two groups who helped pass this horrible proposition are two groups that not that long ago were persecuted with regard to marriage. African Americans voted in huge numbers to pass prop 8 - and it wasn't that long ago that anti-miscegenation laws were still on the books. And, of course, the LDS church threw insane amounts of money at this campaign. Mormons - who were also persecuted for their marriage practices - you know, polygamy? Wasn't that long ago in the grand scheme that Mormons were polygamists...
If religious conservatives don't want to allow same sex couples to get "married," then the state should get out of the f***ing marriage business. We all get domestic partnerships (with the same partner benefits and tax credits) or we all get marriage. I am sure there is some legal nuance I am getting wrong here, but didn't Brown v The Board of Education of Topeka Kansas tell us that the doctrine of separate but equal is inherently unequal?
If you live in DC and feel like I do about this issue, then I would like to encourage you to come out and show your support. There's a march Sunday starting at 11 am. Now, I avoided every single protest in my 4 years at Berkeley - so I am not some crazy, protesting, bleeding heart. But, I think it's important that people turn out and finally say it's time to get our heads out of our asses and give all of our citizens equal rights. This isn't about sexuality - it's about equality.
And While We're at It...
Washingtonian is doing their annual restaurant poll as well.
I nominate Art and Soul for worst service, worst value, most overrated and most overpriced.
For the record, places that made repeat appearances on my list (doubt this will shock anyone): Komi, Dino, Pesce, Bistrot du Coin, Granville Moore's, Blue Duck Tavern, good ole Open City, and of course Cake Love.
Vote on voters...I think there may be a free dinner in it for you.
I nominate Art and Soul for worst service, worst value, most overrated and most overpriced.
For the record, places that made repeat appearances on my list (doubt this will shock anyone): Komi, Dino, Pesce, Bistrot du Coin, Granville Moore's, Blue Duck Tavern, good ole Open City, and of course Cake Love.
Vote on voters...I think there may be a free dinner in it for you.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Endorsements: Express Night Out Best of DC
Express Night Out is doing their annual Best of DC poll. Please god, let us influence your votes.
For our non-DC readers (miss you, Cali kids), the Express is owned by The Washington Post and is like the Reader's Digest condensed version of the daily paper that they give you for free on the metro every morning to distract you from starting fights with bitches who try to bludgeon you with umbrellas.
The format, as always, is 8 billion categories, each with multiple choice options and a write in option. The multiple choice options say more to me about each restaurant's publicist than any establishment's eminence in any given category. The five or six given as options are definitely not the five or six best establishments in each category.
How do I know? Aside from being on a never-ending restaurant tour of this city, fucking Art and Soul has gotten themselves listed in a nausea-inducing number of categories. Seriously, Art and Soul, you're terrible, and the only way you get yourself in so many categories has got to be by still having your publicist on staff from your opening.
So, I do encourage you to vote:
Advocate for your faves in comments. I'm particularly interested to hear which cupcakery folks prefer and how you're voting in the sushi category since Sushi Taro underwent it's metamorphosis.
For our non-DC readers (miss you, Cali kids), the Express is owned by The Washington Post and is like the Reader's Digest condensed version of the daily paper that they give you for free on the metro every morning to distract you from starting fights with bitches who try to bludgeon you with umbrellas.
The format, as always, is 8 billion categories, each with multiple choice options and a write in option. The multiple choice options say more to me about each restaurant's publicist than any establishment's eminence in any given category. The five or six given as options are definitely not the five or six best establishments in each category.
How do I know? Aside from being on a never-ending restaurant tour of this city, fucking Art and Soul has gotten themselves listed in a nausea-inducing number of categories. Seriously, Art and Soul, you're terrible, and the only way you get yourself in so many categories has got to be by still having your publicist on staff from your opening.
So, I do encourage you to vote:
- For anyone but Art and Soul in every category they appear in
- For Dino as best Italian restaurant
- For this here blog as a total long shot write in for "Local Blog" way down the list under "Home & Away"
Advocate for your faves in comments. I'm particularly interested to hear which cupcakery folks prefer and how you're voting in the sushi category since Sushi Taro underwent it's metamorphosis.
Why Am I Still Watching The Hills?
Every time I turn it on, my fiance runs out of the room screaming that watching even a second of that crap is causing him to lose brain cells (and whenever I would watch one of the VH1 "of Love" shows, he said I was giving the Tivo herpes), and I agree. It's a vile show about horrible, vapid people. Yet, I cannot stop watching.
A new season started last week, and its star (who incidentally made more than 100K an episode) has decided to live life off camera for a while. Meanwhile, fame whore Kristin Cavallari (who refused to honor contractual obligations to appear on Laguna Beach after graduating) failed at her attempted acting career and has set her sights on the role of Hills villain. It is honestly the only explanation for her behavior. Who starts a fight the second time they meet someone out of the blue?! If there were any doubt (there wasn't) that The Hills is scripted, it's gone now.
And then there is "King" Spencer Pratt. The guy is a douche rocket. And yet, he is sort of an evil genius. He practically has a weekly segment on The Soup, gets magazine covers left and right, and has only recently been eclipsed by Jon Gosselin as Perez Hilton's favorite guy to draw penises on. (Hey, Perez - it's still on, BTW. And if Jon Gosselin is so offensive, STOP GIVING THE GUY FREE PRESS!) He went from being nobody to being as famous as any legitimate celebrity. People who would never watch The Hills know who he is. Anderson Cooper has even talked about him!
I think the reason I cannot stop watching The Hills is that there is some sort of black magic going on. Maybe there are subliminal messages recorded under that lame instrumental music they play for the "previously on The Hills" recap at the beginning of each episode. For such a reviled show, it does well enough to pay its cast obscene salaries for essentially nothing. Adam DiVello seriously has made a deal with the devil, and I hope he rots in hell for cursing the American public with the phenomenon known as "Speidi" and for all the brain cells his program has cost me.
A new season started last week, and its star (who incidentally made more than 100K an episode) has decided to live life off camera for a while. Meanwhile, fame whore Kristin Cavallari (who refused to honor contractual obligations to appear on Laguna Beach after graduating) failed at her attempted acting career and has set her sights on the role of Hills villain. It is honestly the only explanation for her behavior. Who starts a fight the second time they meet someone out of the blue?! If there were any doubt (there wasn't) that The Hills is scripted, it's gone now.
And then there is "King" Spencer Pratt. The guy is a douche rocket. And yet, he is sort of an evil genius. He practically has a weekly segment on The Soup, gets magazine covers left and right, and has only recently been eclipsed by Jon Gosselin as Perez Hilton's favorite guy to draw penises on. (Hey, Perez - it's still on, BTW. And if Jon Gosselin is so offensive, STOP GIVING THE GUY FREE PRESS!) He went from being nobody to being as famous as any legitimate celebrity. People who would never watch The Hills know who he is. Anderson Cooper has even talked about him!
I think the reason I cannot stop watching The Hills is that there is some sort of black magic going on. Maybe there are subliminal messages recorded under that lame instrumental music they play for the "previously on The Hills" recap at the beginning of each episode. For such a reviled show, it does well enough to pay its cast obscene salaries for essentially nothing. Adam DiVello seriously has made a deal with the devil, and I hope he rots in hell for cursing the American public with the phenomenon known as "Speidi" and for all the brain cells his program has cost me.
I Made it All the Way Through Gossip Girl...
Unlike Tami, and there's something really wrong with Tyra Banks.
She played her usual character: over-acted hysteria and high maintenance behavior. But wait! That's not who she really is, she's just been manipulated and taken advantage of by all of her handlers! Snore. I've already seen this character on ANTM and the Tyra Banks Show. Yes Tyra, you're very misunderstood...you and every 15 year-old girl in America.
Also, HilDuff looks chunky. She got too thin for a minute there, but she's swung too far the other way now. Or maybe it was just the heinous styling.
(In contrast, shout out to LH who sat next to the beautiful and fabulous Blake Lively at lunch today.)
She played her usual character: over-acted hysteria and high maintenance behavior. But wait! That's not who she really is, she's just been manipulated and taken advantage of by all of her handlers! Snore. I've already seen this character on ANTM and the Tyra Banks Show. Yes Tyra, you're very misunderstood...you and every 15 year-old girl in America.
Also, HilDuff looks chunky. She got too thin for a minute there, but she's swung too far the other way now. Or maybe it was just the heinous styling.
(In contrast, shout out to LH who sat next to the beautiful and fabulous Blake Lively at lunch today.)
Hey, I Know Those Asses!
So I have two friends who dress up as donkeys to attend Nationals games. They routinely get attention - but this is big time. You should be proud, boys. I know lots of people who would kill for a placement in the Post (and it appeared in print too).
Do I Really Need to Explain My Problem with This?
There are many things that horrify me about people on the metro. I'm honestly shocked I haven't talked about more of them yet. Just in general, people think it's OK to act in barely imaginable selfish ways. But something happened today that even I've never seen.
I was doing my usual rush hour commute and the red line was crowded, as usual. I only live 2 stops from work, so it's fairly easy to put up with, but the stop in between work and home (Dupont) is particularly busy. When we got there, several people got on and off, and simply to get out of the way, I took one of the seats by the door.
These seats are the ones with ads behind them that run parallel to the train wall, rather than in perpendicular rows. The point is, sitting in these seats, you're facing out towards those who are standing. The woman standing over me first leaned in to get a good look at the ad behind me...and breathe on my forehead. I let it go.
She then proceeded to take her medium sized umbrella and propped the end of it onto her thigh, holding onto the handle part with her hand, extending her arm away from her body. That is to say, she created a triangle--her thigh and torso make up one leg of the triangle, her arm them creates the angles and forms the second leg, and the umbrella that she is holding and digging into her thigh create the base. It's also protruding threateningly at my throat.
In general, I'm very protective of my throat...too many episodes of Buffy when I was young. Aware of my over sensitivity, I tried hard to let this go--after all, it was only one stop. But then, due to a train stopped in front of us, our train came to a sudden stop and this womanbrella lurched dangerously close to my neck/face. I said to her, "excuse me?" She looked at me confused. Unsure how to explain this, I gestured at her umbrella--still conspicuously in my personal space--and mumbled "I, um..." She still seemed unconcerned.
So, I thought about it. I decided to use my "I" words. Instead of saying, "you're about to jab me in the throat with your umbrella!" I gestured to the umbrella and said, "having that there makes me nervous." (See, totally took responsibility for my feelings...that therapist I had for 3 sessions when I was 6 would be so proud.) That bitch responded by looking at me, looking at her umbrella, rolling her eyes, and saying sarcastically, "Well I certainly wouldn't want you to feel nervous."
Seriously?! Seriously?! It wasn't even raining today. And even if you weren't about to assault me with your umbrella, is there some reason you can't hold the umbrella vertically at your side like a normal person? I too love pointy objects digging into my thigh (seriously, what the fuck?), but could you perhaps not take up unnecessary space on a crowded metro? What don't people understand about this? Drop your shit down to your side, make yourself as small as possible, and try to understand that everyone else has to get home/to work as well and you're not uniquely entitled to an undue amount of space. Too easy.
I was doing my usual rush hour commute and the red line was crowded, as usual. I only live 2 stops from work, so it's fairly easy to put up with, but the stop in between work and home (Dupont) is particularly busy. When we got there, several people got on and off, and simply to get out of the way, I took one of the seats by the door.
These seats are the ones with ads behind them that run parallel to the train wall, rather than in perpendicular rows. The point is, sitting in these seats, you're facing out towards those who are standing. The woman standing over me first leaned in to get a good look at the ad behind me...and breathe on my forehead. I let it go.
She then proceeded to take her medium sized umbrella and propped the end of it onto her thigh, holding onto the handle part with her hand, extending her arm away from her body. That is to say, she created a triangle--her thigh and torso make up one leg of the triangle, her arm them creates the angles and forms the second leg, and the umbrella that she is holding and digging into her thigh create the base. It's also protruding threateningly at my throat.
In general, I'm very protective of my throat...too many episodes of Buffy when I was young. Aware of my over sensitivity, I tried hard to let this go--after all, it was only one stop. But then, due to a train stopped in front of us, our train came to a sudden stop and this womanbrella lurched dangerously close to my neck/face. I said to her, "excuse me?" She looked at me confused. Unsure how to explain this, I gestured at her umbrella--still conspicuously in my personal space--and mumbled "I, um..." She still seemed unconcerned.
So, I thought about it. I decided to use my "I" words. Instead of saying, "you're about to jab me in the throat with your umbrella!" I gestured to the umbrella and said, "having that there makes me nervous." (See, totally took responsibility for my feelings...that therapist I had for 3 sessions when I was 6 would be so proud.) That bitch responded by looking at me, looking at her umbrella, rolling her eyes, and saying sarcastically, "Well I certainly wouldn't want you to feel nervous."
Seriously?! Seriously?! It wasn't even raining today. And even if you weren't about to assault me with your umbrella, is there some reason you can't hold the umbrella vertically at your side like a normal person? I too love pointy objects digging into my thigh (seriously, what the fuck?), but could you perhaps not take up unnecessary space on a crowded metro? What don't people understand about this? Drop your shit down to your side, make yourself as small as possible, and try to understand that everyone else has to get home/to work as well and you're not uniquely entitled to an undue amount of space. Too easy.
Monday, October 5, 2009
Gossip Girl: A Case Study in Why Stunt Casting Is A Bad Idea
Before I get to GG, and the overacting mess that is Tyra Banks, I want to share something from my latest issue of Entertainment Weekly that really got me thinking. EW asserted an old adage: Stars don't make TV - TV makes stars. I wish I could find a link to the article to share with you, but it appears that it is only in the print version of the magazine and not their Web site. So, I will give you the highlights. Recently, Christian Slater, Heather Graham and Hugh Jackman were all cast in shows that were off the air as quickly as they appeared. Before Friends, all the members of the cast were struggling actors who might have looked vaguely familiar (e.g. Courtney Cox from her stint on Family Ties). Friends made them HUGE. And Friends provides a good segue to talk about stunt casting.
When done well, there is nothing wrong with an occasional big name dropping by a show for February sweeps. In fact, when done well, it usually results in an Emmy for said big name (see: William Shatner on The Practice). But an endless parade of guest stars gets you no where, and it just shows your writers are running out of ideas (see: J-Lo, Janet Jackson and a million other randoms on Will & Grace).
But stunt casting is the worst when you don't even swing for the fences with your guest stars. And that brings me to tonight's episode of Gossip Girl. Tonight, viewers were treated to both Hilary Duff and Tyra Banks. I really wish there were a better way to convey sarcasm, but let me spell if out for you. By "treated," I actually mean tortured to two terrible performances. And, I have to be honest, I didn't even make it through the entire episode. When Tyra had her first scene, I had to turn off the TV and immediately shower - because I felt so dirty for tuning in.
Hilary Duff is wooden and her teeth are still distracting. Honestly, the girl should stick to singing (sue me, I kinda found Wake Up sort of catchy) and Disney fare - where they honestly don't care if you can act. I mean, she is playing an actress and she is unconvincing! You know something - all those "big actresses" who got their start with Disney all kind of suck in real roles. The Duffster, Lindsay Lohan, Miley Cyrus, Vanessa Hudgens...the list goes on, but I digress.
And then there is Tyrant. She fancies herself an actress, but bitch, please. She habitually overacts - and those poor girls on ANTM when she offers them an acting "teach" - they are just screwed. She is supposed to play this impossible diva on GG, but the funny part is they didn't just cast her as Tyra. Now, had she been cast to play herself, we might have had something here. But, as a character actress, she is just unwatchable.
Yet, there is a bigger problem with stunt casting than casting sub-par stars to drive ratings. It often signals the beginning of the end - the jumping of the shark that Elle referenced recently. It's like a harbinger of a show death - sometimes the death is slow (again, see: Will & Grace) and sometimes it is rather sudden (see:Betty White on My Name is Earl - yeah, that's canceled).
I used to really enjoy GG. I put it in the guilty pleasure category. It was frothy and silly. I clearly have a soft spot for shows about pretty people and their epic problems. But, this latest episode - combined with that awkward transition to college that almost no show does well - has got me wondering if I have one less thing to Tivo.
When done well, there is nothing wrong with an occasional big name dropping by a show for February sweeps. In fact, when done well, it usually results in an Emmy for said big name (see: William Shatner on The Practice). But an endless parade of guest stars gets you no where, and it just shows your writers are running out of ideas (see: J-Lo, Janet Jackson and a million other randoms on Will & Grace).
But stunt casting is the worst when you don't even swing for the fences with your guest stars. And that brings me to tonight's episode of Gossip Girl. Tonight, viewers were treated to both Hilary Duff and Tyra Banks. I really wish there were a better way to convey sarcasm, but let me spell if out for you. By "treated," I actually mean tortured to two terrible performances. And, I have to be honest, I didn't even make it through the entire episode. When Tyra had her first scene, I had to turn off the TV and immediately shower - because I felt so dirty for tuning in.
Hilary Duff is wooden and her teeth are still distracting. Honestly, the girl should stick to singing (sue me, I kinda found Wake Up sort of catchy) and Disney fare - where they honestly don't care if you can act. I mean, she is playing an actress and she is unconvincing! You know something - all those "big actresses" who got their start with Disney all kind of suck in real roles. The Duffster, Lindsay Lohan, Miley Cyrus, Vanessa Hudgens...the list goes on, but I digress.
And then there is Tyrant. She fancies herself an actress, but bitch, please. She habitually overacts - and those poor girls on ANTM when she offers them an acting "teach" - they are just screwed. She is supposed to play this impossible diva on GG, but the funny part is they didn't just cast her as Tyra. Now, had she been cast to play herself, we might have had something here. But, as a character actress, she is just unwatchable.
Yet, there is a bigger problem with stunt casting than casting sub-par stars to drive ratings. It often signals the beginning of the end - the jumping of the shark that Elle referenced recently. It's like a harbinger of a show death - sometimes the death is slow (again, see: Will & Grace) and sometimes it is rather sudden (see:Betty White on My Name is Earl - yeah, that's canceled).
I used to really enjoy GG. I put it in the guilty pleasure category. It was frothy and silly. I clearly have a soft spot for shows about pretty people and their epic problems. But, this latest episode - combined with that awkward transition to college that almost no show does well - has got me wondering if I have one less thing to Tivo.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
It's Hard Out There for A Cal Fan
I know quite a few Cal fans read this blog, but I am willing to hazard a guess that most of Elle's friends were not around for the dreaded Holmoe years. I learned as a wee freshman that being a Cal fan is rife with disappointment and heartbreak.
But, after the most abysmal year (our 1-10 season where our only victory was a post-season game with Rutgers that had to be rescheduled because of 9/11) I think in Cal's history (but, if I am wrong, I am sure someone will straighten me out - I don't want to do the Google search, deal with it), we were given a gift in the form of Jeff Tedford. He has been deified by all Cal fans - including Elle - and with good reason. He brought Cal football back from the brink.
But, it is still Cal football. And that means there will always be disappointment. The Bears can snatch defeat from the jaws of victory - I have seen it with my own eyes many times. For all you Cal fans that read what us bitches think, I wanted to share this piece that a friend of mine found in the Wall Street Journal. I think it summarizes the Cal fan experience quite nicely. Thanks GM!
Make no mistake, I will never lose faith in my Bears. And, I hope to see them play in the Rose Bowl sometime soon (and I hope I can afford the tickets when they finally do). Sadly, I also will never be surprised when another promising season doesn't turn out as I hoped.
But, after the most abysmal year (our 1-10 season where our only victory was a post-season game with Rutgers that had to be rescheduled because of 9/11) I think in Cal's history (but, if I am wrong, I am sure someone will straighten me out - I don't want to do the Google search, deal with it), we were given a gift in the form of Jeff Tedford. He has been deified by all Cal fans - including Elle - and with good reason. He brought Cal football back from the brink.
But, it is still Cal football. And that means there will always be disappointment. The Bears can snatch defeat from the jaws of victory - I have seen it with my own eyes many times. For all you Cal fans that read what us bitches think, I wanted to share this piece that a friend of mine found in the Wall Street Journal. I think it summarizes the Cal fan experience quite nicely. Thanks GM!
Make no mistake, I will never lose faith in my Bears. And, I hope to see them play in the Rose Bowl sometime soon (and I hope I can afford the tickets when they finally do). Sadly, I also will never be surprised when another promising season doesn't turn out as I hoped.
What Else Is Wrong with Tyra Banks
It is well-established that both Elle and I find Tyrant Banks incredibly irritating and plan to write about her often. So, consider this "What's Wrong with Tyra Banks" to be somewhat of a regular column.
Elle was spot-on in her earlier recap of this week's ANTM. The whole scarf thing was ridiculous. Tyrant's set-ups for photo shoots are just getting lamer and lamer (i.e. more and more about her life and experiences). The girls are constantly "embodying" something ludicrous like natural disasters, political issues, and Tyra before she goes to bed.
But I still cannot get over the whole premise of this particular season. Girls under 5'7'' get a shot to be America's Next Top Model, and Tyra gets their undying devotion for giving them this amazing opportunity. But that's not the weirdest part. The weirdest part is that Tyra lets them all wear flats to judging. See, during a normal season, the "short girls" - the ones that are 5'7'' - are routinely chastised for wearing flats to judging. They are told that because their height already puts them at a disadvantage, they should be living in heels. I somehow think they were actually barred from wearing heels this season. I think Tyra - in her never-ending effort to "change the industry" - forbids them from wearing heels. But, I think it's more about her ability to tower over them at her height, plus stilettos, so she can remind them that she is, as Elle posits, America's Next (and only) Top Model.
Elle was spot-on in her earlier recap of this week's ANTM. The whole scarf thing was ridiculous. Tyrant's set-ups for photo shoots are just getting lamer and lamer (i.e. more and more about her life and experiences). The girls are constantly "embodying" something ludicrous like natural disasters, political issues, and Tyra before she goes to bed.
But I still cannot get over the whole premise of this particular season. Girls under 5'7'' get a shot to be America's Next Top Model, and Tyra gets their undying devotion for giving them this amazing opportunity. But that's not the weirdest part. The weirdest part is that Tyra lets them all wear flats to judging. See, during a normal season, the "short girls" - the ones that are 5'7'' - are routinely chastised for wearing flats to judging. They are told that because their height already puts them at a disadvantage, they should be living in heels. I somehow think they were actually barred from wearing heels this season. I think Tyra - in her never-ending effort to "change the industry" - forbids them from wearing heels. But, I think it's more about her ability to tower over them at her height, plus stilettos, so she can remind them that she is, as Elle posits, America's Next (and only) Top Model.
Friday, October 2, 2009
At Heart, I'm Really Just a 12-Year-Old Boy
My fellow bitch, friends, and co-workers attended a fundraiser dinner last night, just to see precisely how DC we can be. The answer, for me, is not very.
The first speaker was conveying her experience as a child laborer in the agricultural industry. She reminisced, "I remember getting out of bed, lacing up my boots, grabbing my hoe..." I lost it. Seriously, I'm 12. I lost it and could not recover, because I managed to get a picture in my head of this little girl, dressed in the most outlandish pimp costume ever, grabbing her "ho" (affectionately named Candy by AO) and chiding her for being late.
Discussing my immature sense of humor with WHG led to further terrible euphemisms about ploughing, planting seeds and trimming bush. Which reminded me that I haven't publicly reacted with shock and horror to this commercial...
WHG: "I was horrified...obviously those plants should have completely disappeared."
Not to worry, ladies. The male version:
Hey gents, making it look taller doesn't change the way it feels, but it does cut down on the BJ flossing, sooo thanks Gillette?
The first speaker was conveying her experience as a child laborer in the agricultural industry. She reminisced, "I remember getting out of bed, lacing up my boots, grabbing my hoe..." I lost it. Seriously, I'm 12. I lost it and could not recover, because I managed to get a picture in my head of this little girl, dressed in the most outlandish pimp costume ever, grabbing her "ho" (affectionately named Candy by AO) and chiding her for being late.
Discussing my immature sense of humor with WHG led to further terrible euphemisms about ploughing, planting seeds and trimming bush. Which reminded me that I haven't publicly reacted with shock and horror to this commercial...
WHG: "I was horrified...obviously those plants should have completely disappeared."
Not to worry, ladies. The male version:
Hey gents, making it look taller doesn't change the way it feels, but it does cut down on the BJ flossing, sooo thanks Gillette?
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
A Note to Anonymous Commenters
Suck it.
I'm totally serious, you're a douche. It's one thing to create a pseudonym, be a regular blog reader, and establish a personality through comments. That's participation and it's a creative endeavor on its own--we're down for it. True confession, Elle isn't my real name and neither Tami nor I are Heather Locklear or Kristen Davis. (I know you're all shocked.)
But if you can't even come up with a name besides anonymous and you're going to nit pick posts, I'll say it again, you can suck it.
Are we going to have the occasional typo? Sure. We have jobs, relationships, friends, television and shopping habits, and cooking skills. This blog isn't our life, it's our hobby. I claim that's why I accidentally called Rice-a-Roni "Hamburger Helper." But that's all a far damn cry from Perez Hilton--his blog is his job and apparently his only passion in life and he still manages to have 8 times the typos.
And "Anonymous," if you really want to get into it "Interesting that there are typos in this very blog" is a fragment, and what follows is a totally ridiculous use of an ellipses. Don't bring out the grammar bitch in me.
This isn't the blog war we intended to start, but a good bitch loves conflict. The long story short is that we're not going to start obsessing for the amusement of an anonymous commenter who has no point for the myriad of reasons listed above. But we are going to mock you mercilessly.
Also, seriously, suck it.
I'm totally serious, you're a douche. It's one thing to create a pseudonym, be a regular blog reader, and establish a personality through comments. That's participation and it's a creative endeavor on its own--we're down for it. True confession, Elle isn't my real name and neither Tami nor I are Heather Locklear or Kristen Davis. (I know you're all shocked.)
But if you can't even come up with a name besides anonymous and you're going to nit pick posts, I'll say it again, you can suck it.
Are we going to have the occasional typo? Sure. We have jobs, relationships, friends, television and shopping habits, and cooking skills. This blog isn't our life, it's our hobby. I claim that's why I accidentally called Rice-a-Roni "Hamburger Helper." But that's all a far damn cry from Perez Hilton--his blog is his job and apparently his only passion in life and he still manages to have 8 times the typos.
And "Anonymous," if you really want to get into it "Interesting that there are typos in this very blog" is a fragment, and what follows is a totally ridiculous use of an ellipses. Don't bring out the grammar bitch in me.
This isn't the blog war we intended to start, but a good bitch loves conflict. The long story short is that we're not going to start obsessing for the amusement of an anonymous commenter who has no point for the myriad of reasons listed above. But we are going to mock you mercilessly.
Also, seriously, suck it.
I Think I've Isolated Tyra Banks's Pathology
(Yes, we're going to rip on Tyra on a weekly basis. Those who object will be banned from the readership.)
Tyra believes that she is America's Next Top Model. This is the problem. Every cycle, when she says "one of you will be America's Next Top Model," what she means is "I am America's top model and none of you little bitches will ever challenge my title." This is why no one on that show ever goes on to modeling success.
How else do you explain her appearing between each girl's photo shoot--shot by Tyra, of course. Memo to the Tyrant, being a model doesn't make you a photographer. Deal with it. Get me Annie Leibovitz--wearing different colored head scarves, talking about the girls' performance, doing crazy shit with the scarves and making her ridiculous accents. And of course, there were choice self-love quotes (from memory):
"The reason you had to unwrap my whole body from that huge scarf is because you're going to wear head scarves in your photo shoot." Right, because that makes sense. Clearly the same thing.
"You're going to wear head scarves, so you're going to look like me when I go to bed." Yes Tyra, you and every other chick with your hair type, which is roughly an entire ethnic group.
"I was really excited to shoot Ashley because she was my girl that I found on my talk show and now I'm shooting her during my television show." Fuck it, Ashley wins.
Tyra, look into shock therapy.
Jay Manuel is actually a totally decent art director. I don't know how he puts up with this.
And what the balls is Tyra (and Hillary Duff at that) doing on Gossip Girl next week? I feel a shark jump coming on.
Tyra believes that she is America's Next Top Model. This is the problem. Every cycle, when she says "one of you will be America's Next Top Model," what she means is "I am America's top model and none of you little bitches will ever challenge my title." This is why no one on that show ever goes on to modeling success.
How else do you explain her appearing between each girl's photo shoot--shot by Tyra, of course. Memo to the Tyrant, being a model doesn't make you a photographer. Deal with it. Get me Annie Leibovitz--wearing different colored head scarves, talking about the girls' performance, doing crazy shit with the scarves and making her ridiculous accents. And of course, there were choice self-love quotes (from memory):
"The reason you had to unwrap my whole body from that huge scarf is because you're going to wear head scarves in your photo shoot." Right, because that makes sense. Clearly the same thing.
"You're going to wear head scarves, so you're going to look like me when I go to bed." Yes Tyra, you and every other chick with your hair type, which is roughly an entire ethnic group.
"I was really excited to shoot Ashley because she was my girl that I found on my talk show and now I'm shooting her during my television show." Fuck it, Ashley wins.
Tyra, look into shock therapy.
Jay Manuel is actually a totally decent art director. I don't know how he puts up with this.
And what the balls is Tyra (and Hillary Duff at that) doing on Gossip Girl next week? I feel a shark jump coming on.
Joel McHale is My Hero
Not only is the guy ridiculously cute (I have an affection for tall men), but he gets paid to mock bad television. And that has led to an opportunity to star in good television.
Now, I went to Berkeley (Go Bears!), and Berkeley is full of idealistic students who somehow do not realize that the 60s are over - and I am not just talking about the independent pharmaceutical distribution that the town is also famous for. No, I am talking about the pathological need some students have to re-create the Free Speech Movement.
So, that brings me to my love for Joel McHale - or at least his new show Community (but make no mistake - I love Joel McHale for who he is as well). On last week's episode, the students are so eager to be political in college that they host a protest to show their outrage over a journalist who was beaten to death in Guatemala - and had a pinata made to look like him for the protest. They finish the day's event with a silent protest and candle light vigil - you know, because silence=death and candles are dramatic.
Well, Joel McHale's character is trying to get with some generic, but attractive blond, so he pretends to care and joins the protest. Meanwhile, Chevy Chase's character gets super drunk and makes a scene. This is brilliant. Ah, reminds me of college.
Now, I went to Berkeley (Go Bears!), and Berkeley is full of idealistic students who somehow do not realize that the 60s are over - and I am not just talking about the independent pharmaceutical distribution that the town is also famous for. No, I am talking about the pathological need some students have to re-create the Free Speech Movement.
So, that brings me to my love for Joel McHale - or at least his new show Community (but make no mistake - I love Joel McHale for who he is as well). On last week's episode, the students are so eager to be political in college that they host a protest to show their outrage over a journalist who was beaten to death in Guatemala - and had a pinata made to look like him for the protest. They finish the day's event with a silent protest and candle light vigil - you know, because silence=death and candles are dramatic.
Well, Joel McHale's character is trying to get with some generic, but attractive blond, so he pretends to care and joins the protest. Meanwhile, Chevy Chase's character gets super drunk and makes a scene. This is brilliant. Ah, reminds me of college.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Trying to Start a Blog War
Perez Hilton is a tool. He is totally bought in to his own hype. Now, I am going to be honest. I absolutely check his blog daily. I don't know why, but I can't stop.
But, that does not mean I respect him or think he's a good writer. I mean, he has thousands (if not millions) of readers and his posts are riddled with typos. More than 90% of his posts are quotes pulled from actual news sources (read, glossy magazines and tabloids) and photos of celebs with penises or compliments drawn all over them. And seriously, with all the money he makes, can he not do a better job of building his site and integrating advertising?! His stupid ads make the blog annoying to read - well, more annoying than the shameless self-promotion and the ridiculous lingo he employs (faboosh!).
So, why would a self-proclaimed reader of this drivel attack him on a much less popular and read blog, you may ask? Well, I am hoping to start a blog war! Suck it, Perez! I mean, you know the narcissist has a Google Alert set up for himself, so he can see what others are saying. Maybe if I write enough nasty stuff about him, he will write nasty stuff about us, and then we'll get more readers (and some annoyingly integrated advertisements). Really, there's no downside here.
So, Perez Hilton, I challenge you to a blog duel. I can reprint "news" from Us Weekly and talk crap about Speidi as well as you can (and I can certainly do it with fewer typos and a more extensive vocabulary). So, whatcha made of Mario Armando Lavandeira? That's right, I called you out by the name your momma gave you. What do you think of that?
But, that does not mean I respect him or think he's a good writer. I mean, he has thousands (if not millions) of readers and his posts are riddled with typos. More than 90% of his posts are quotes pulled from actual news sources (read, glossy magazines and tabloids) and photos of celebs with penises or compliments drawn all over them. And seriously, with all the money he makes, can he not do a better job of building his site and integrating advertising?! His stupid ads make the blog annoying to read - well, more annoying than the shameless self-promotion and the ridiculous lingo he employs (faboosh!).
So, why would a self-proclaimed reader of this drivel attack him on a much less popular and read blog, you may ask? Well, I am hoping to start a blog war! Suck it, Perez! I mean, you know the narcissist has a Google Alert set up for himself, so he can see what others are saying. Maybe if I write enough nasty stuff about him, he will write nasty stuff about us, and then we'll get more readers (and some annoyingly integrated advertisements). Really, there's no downside here.
So, Perez Hilton, I challenge you to a blog duel. I can reprint "news" from Us Weekly and talk crap about Speidi as well as you can (and I can certainly do it with fewer typos and a more extensive vocabulary). So, whatcha made of Mario Armando Lavandeira? That's right, I called you out by the name your momma gave you. What do you think of that?
Vanity Pounds
A while ago Elle and I shared a conversation that we had about the phenomenon (common mostly to women) where you aren't fat, but you are fat for you. We were seeking help to name it. We got a couple suggestions from readers (thanks again), but nothing really encapsulated that feeling.
Well, last week I was talking with some friends. One friend had been reamed by his trainer for chewing a piece of sugarless gum. Now, given the recent diet I was on (and incidentally completely failed at), and the mounting evidence that artificial sweetener does contribute to weight gain, I semi-understood why the trainer freaked (However, one piece of gum? Really? It isn't like drinking a whole Diet Coke - or as I like to call it, the nectar of the Gods. But, I digress). Well, another friend said that it was funny his trainer freaked out, because on the Biggest Loser one of the tips the contestants are given is to chew gum. But, they are chewing gum to avoid eating a whole cake. These people have seriously weight to lose - in some cases half their body weight. They are basically one drive-thru trip away from diabetes or a heart attack. But, my friend (and most people I know) are simply trying to lose vanity pounds. That's why crap like sugarless gum matters! We have to go to extraordinary measures to lose a few pounds, because most of us are at a healthy weight.
So, that's my submission to the conversation. Let me know what you think. And, if the term vanity pounds catches on, I am totally trademarking it.
(Note to any attorneys - or recent bar takers like my fiance - I realize that I cannot actually trademark a terms without trademarking it for some product. Don't stifle my creativity with your endlessly annoying need to demonstrate legal knowledge. Go pick apart a procedural drama and leave our blog alone!)
UPDATE: Just informed by Elle that the term vanity pounds is kinda widely used. Whatever, the Donald tried to trademark "You're Fired!" so I am well within my rights here.
Well, last week I was talking with some friends. One friend had been reamed by his trainer for chewing a piece of sugarless gum. Now, given the recent diet I was on (and incidentally completely failed at), and the mounting evidence that artificial sweetener does contribute to weight gain, I semi-understood why the trainer freaked (However, one piece of gum? Really? It isn't like drinking a whole Diet Coke - or as I like to call it, the nectar of the Gods. But, I digress). Well, another friend said that it was funny his trainer freaked out, because on the Biggest Loser one of the tips the contestants are given is to chew gum. But, they are chewing gum to avoid eating a whole cake. These people have seriously weight to lose - in some cases half their body weight. They are basically one drive-thru trip away from diabetes or a heart attack. But, my friend (and most people I know) are simply trying to lose vanity pounds. That's why crap like sugarless gum matters! We have to go to extraordinary measures to lose a few pounds, because most of us are at a healthy weight.
So, that's my submission to the conversation. Let me know what you think. And, if the term vanity pounds catches on, I am totally trademarking it.
(Note to any attorneys - or recent bar takers like my fiance - I realize that I cannot actually trademark a terms without trademarking it for some product. Don't stifle my creativity with your endlessly annoying need to demonstrate legal knowledge. Go pick apart a procedural drama and leave our blog alone!)
UPDATE: Just informed by Elle that the term vanity pounds is kinda widely used. Whatever, the Donald tried to trademark "You're Fired!" so I am well within my rights here.
I Know Someone Who's Getting One of These...
This one is one of my favorites--and so thoroughly useful!--but there are several gems over on Etsy. Give them to someone you love to hate.
Take Your Taboo and Shove It...It Might Feel Good
I realize that most of the ideology in our posts is limited to the religion of hating Tyra Banks and worshiping the magic box that is television. This particular post will be a little more nakedly opinionated on current events and politics. If you're here for the funny, feel free to skip it, but I feel a rant coming on...
The American public amuses me to no end with our simultaneous ability to be both entertained and horrified, never more so than on the subject of sex. I love a good sex scandal, because all of the voyeurs who can't get enough of reading the story also have the humorous nerve to act outraged.
Political sex scandals I have no problem with, because they're usually exposing some hilarious form of hypocrisy. But really, the hypocrisy wouldn't exist in the first place if we weren't all so pent up about sex. Senators wouldn't have to deny that they're gay or occassionally like kinky sex acts that the well-bred wives they're forced to marry won't perform, forcing them into the discreet arms of a high-class hooker.
Life would be a lot better if we threw the puritanical opinion elite off a cliff and just admitted that sex is fun and any way you want to do it should be fine and no one's damn business. Let's look at the sex stories of late...
I already mentioned the McSteamy so-not-sex-to-my-incredible-disappointment tape. Good looking guy and his good looking wife want to get naked with a good looking ex-beauty queen and I would hope have a lot more fun than we saw on that tape, what do you care? Like you've never had a threesome fantasy? Really? Or made a sex tape with your partner? C'mon. I'll say it again: the only interest in that tape should be seeing attractive people naked. There really shouldn't be any incredible scandal to it.
Along the same lines, the front page, above the fold "exclusive" story in the Washington Times today (disclaimer: I'm forced to read that publication) is about how much porn the dear people over at the National Science Foundation look at at work. Personally, I'm not that comfortable looking at porn at work...I want to look at porn somewhere where it can do me some good, and alas, my office has a glass door and thin walls. But hey, if it works for you, rock on (so to speak.)
The larger point here, is that I don't have a problem with porn. Why should I? Why should anyone? I once heard that a family friend doesn't have internet in their house because the husband has a "porn problem." To which I have to wonder, what precisely would a problem with porn be? Fat people? That's a problem with porn for me.
And last but never least, dear ACORN. I don't really have a problem with them providing advice to prostitutes about how to report their profession to the IRS. In fact, had that been a real prostitute, I'd be impressed with her wanting to report her earnings. Prostitution should just be legal--it's good for tax coffers and for public health. Regulating the industry limits forced and under aged prostitution, it ensures condom use and regular STD checks, and it rids us of the capitalistic hypocrisy that you can profit from any unique skills you're willing to perform except sex.
I get that an entity that receives tax dollars shouldn't advise people on how to skirt the law--especially not these people--but the law is stupid, and disadvantageous to women and the poor, particularly because cops often can't prove prostitution and instead bust sex workers on tax evasion. But they definitely should have drawn the line when the suggestion turned to under aged and forced prostitution.
Long story short, sex has become intertwined with politics and with entertainment, but above all, it should be personal. If we all felt personally comfortable with our sexual selves, I doubt we'd need to make this stuff a big deal. The fact that it still is bugs me.
The American public amuses me to no end with our simultaneous ability to be both entertained and horrified, never more so than on the subject of sex. I love a good sex scandal, because all of the voyeurs who can't get enough of reading the story also have the humorous nerve to act outraged.
Political sex scandals I have no problem with, because they're usually exposing some hilarious form of hypocrisy. But really, the hypocrisy wouldn't exist in the first place if we weren't all so pent up about sex. Senators wouldn't have to deny that they're gay or occassionally like kinky sex acts that the well-bred wives they're forced to marry won't perform, forcing them into the discreet arms of a high-class hooker.
Life would be a lot better if we threw the puritanical opinion elite off a cliff and just admitted that sex is fun and any way you want to do it should be fine and no one's damn business. Let's look at the sex stories of late...
I already mentioned the McSteamy so-not-sex-to-my-incredible-disappointment tape. Good looking guy and his good looking wife want to get naked with a good looking ex-beauty queen and I would hope have a lot more fun than we saw on that tape, what do you care? Like you've never had a threesome fantasy? Really? Or made a sex tape with your partner? C'mon. I'll say it again: the only interest in that tape should be seeing attractive people naked. There really shouldn't be any incredible scandal to it.
Along the same lines, the front page, above the fold "exclusive" story in the Washington Times today (disclaimer: I'm forced to read that publication) is about how much porn the dear people over at the National Science Foundation look at at work. Personally, I'm not that comfortable looking at porn at work...I want to look at porn somewhere where it can do me some good, and alas, my office has a glass door and thin walls. But hey, if it works for you, rock on (so to speak.)
The larger point here, is that I don't have a problem with porn. Why should I? Why should anyone? I once heard that a family friend doesn't have internet in their house because the husband has a "porn problem." To which I have to wonder, what precisely would a problem with porn be? Fat people? That's a problem with porn for me.
And last but never least, dear ACORN. I don't really have a problem with them providing advice to prostitutes about how to report their profession to the IRS. In fact, had that been a real prostitute, I'd be impressed with her wanting to report her earnings. Prostitution should just be legal--it's good for tax coffers and for public health. Regulating the industry limits forced and under aged prostitution, it ensures condom use and regular STD checks, and it rids us of the capitalistic hypocrisy that you can profit from any unique skills you're willing to perform except sex.
I get that an entity that receives tax dollars shouldn't advise people on how to skirt the law--especially not these people--but the law is stupid, and disadvantageous to women and the poor, particularly because cops often can't prove prostitution and instead bust sex workers on tax evasion. But they definitely should have drawn the line when the suggestion turned to under aged and forced prostitution.
Long story short, sex has become intertwined with politics and with entertainment, but above all, it should be personal. If we all felt personally comfortable with our sexual selves, I doubt we'd need to make this stuff a big deal. The fact that it still is bugs me.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
What Someone Else Thinks Is Wrong with Tyra Banks
The good news for Tyra Banks: she was in Ad Age.
The bad news for Tyra Banks: the article is completely accurate.
Thanks MHS!
The bad news for Tyra Banks: the article is completely accurate.
Thanks MHS!
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
I Love How I Met Your Mother But...
Why does Bob Saget do the voice over for Josh Radnor? I mean, Josh Radnor (Ted) is an adult. Does his voice change after fathering children? It made sense for Wonder Years - young Kevin was pre-pubescent. I just don't understand.
It Ain't Easy Being Green
I am having a crisis of green. See, I am definitely not one of those super crunchy people who makes their own compost and uses recycled toilet paper. However, I try to do little things. I recycle, I reuse paper and plastic bags, I opt for tupperware and canvas grocery bags to cut back on trash, and I use kitty litter made of corn for our cat. I also, until recently, relyed pretty much solely on public transportation to get me to work each day. But then, my fiance started working downtown as well. And, since the shuttle that picks us up from Metro at our complex stops running at 7:10 and he is working in a law firm, making that last shuttle isn't always feasible. So, we explored driving to work. And it is heaven!
We only live about 5 miles from where we work, so even with heavy traffic it's like 20-25 minutes door-to-door. On the shuttle, it is closer to 40 door-to-door AND we have to listen to the annoying shuttle driver prattle on about his dwindling bank account or his crazy night out - not to mention the hell that is Metro at commute hours. We also both have the luxury of leaving work when we want and not having to wait longer for the Metro after 7:00 pm or worrying about how to get home if we miss the shuttle.
But, then there's the environmental impact. It's true that we do carpool, but Metro is certainly the greener option. So I guess my crisis boils down to how much I care. Should I prioritize my convenience or the planet? It's really a tough call.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
The Emmys - Your Delayed and only Partial Recap
Before I begin my - as advertised - delayed and partial recap of the Emmys, I have a confession. After a series of events this weekend far too depressing to detail on 2B1B, I was so out of it that I completely spaced on the Emmys until 9:00 p.m. I missed the red carpet, the opening number, and the comedy awards. So, hence the partial Emmy recap.
First and foremost: I <3 NPH. I had such a crush on him as Doogie, and he is just awesome as Barney Stinson. He was robbed. I mean, he lost to Duckie! Are you even kidding me?! Then, there is the Alec Baldwin 2nd win in a row. Now, before you get all worked up over some perceived blasphemy, let me offer the following disclaimer. I think 30 Rock is genius. I was saying, "I want to go to there" for months after Liz Lemon immortalized the phrase. And, Alec Baldwin is hilarious. However, I think he won because of star power. Who should have won you may ask? Jim Parsons of the Big Bang Theory - that's who. Now, I know what you are probably thinking.
Huh? Who is Jim Parsons and what is the Big Bang Theory. Well, the Big Bang Theory is an amazingly funny comedy and Jim Parsons is its center. He is amazing. The show is about 4 nerds and a semi-hot neighbor. One of the nerds cannot speak in front of women without alcohol. Another is a delusional Jewish guy (who I swear I went to Hebrew School with) who thinks he's a ladies man. David from Roseanne plays the relatively normal one trying to hook up with the semi-hot neighbor. By the way, for all the years I watched Roseanne and all the times I have seen Christmas Vacation, I only realized like a year ago that Johnny Galecki plays RUSTY! Crazy. Finally, there is Jim Parsons as Sheldon. Words cannot describe how hilarious he is. Just watch the show - and you're welcome.
Kristin Chenowith's win for Pushing Daisies only serves to further enrage me about the cancellation of the show that was the televised equivalent of a big, warm hug.
We all know Glenn Close will not be ignored, but that is no reason to reward Damages - especially not with Mad Men in the category. Look, she's admittedly (by critics anyway) the best thing on that show. However, this seems to just be another case of star power winning out over performance. Glenn Close is the chick who boiled a bunny and has been in a billion movies. But, Emmy voters - let's recognize fresh talent for a change!
I don't even want to talk about the woman from 24 (which incidentally has totally jumped the shark - how many horrible days can one agent have...apparently as many as it takes for Keifer Sutherland to become too expensive to produce the show). Either of the amazing ladies from In Treatment were robbed.
I will say that the big wins of the evening - while predictable - were right on. Go 30 Rock and Mad Men!
Finally, the Emmy fashion was disappointing. No one was off the deep end crazy - well, no one who matters anyway. I think some random chick showed up wearing some kind of Obama blanket, but most everyone else who was bad was just kind of bad. Drew Barrymore was BORING for f***'s sake! For a full recap, I leave you to the Fug Girls.
One thing I will promise you, dear reader. Assuming this blog remains entertaining for the next 12 months, next year I will do better. As God as my witness, I will never miss the Emmy Red Carpet again!
First and foremost: I <3 NPH. I had such a crush on him as Doogie, and he is just awesome as Barney Stinson. He was robbed. I mean, he lost to Duckie! Are you even kidding me?! Then, there is the Alec Baldwin 2nd win in a row. Now, before you get all worked up over some perceived blasphemy, let me offer the following disclaimer. I think 30 Rock is genius. I was saying, "I want to go to there" for months after Liz Lemon immortalized the phrase. And, Alec Baldwin is hilarious. However, I think he won because of star power. Who should have won you may ask? Jim Parsons of the Big Bang Theory - that's who. Now, I know what you are probably thinking.
Huh? Who is Jim Parsons and what is the Big Bang Theory. Well, the Big Bang Theory is an amazingly funny comedy and Jim Parsons is its center. He is amazing. The show is about 4 nerds and a semi-hot neighbor. One of the nerds cannot speak in front of women without alcohol. Another is a delusional Jewish guy (who I swear I went to Hebrew School with) who thinks he's a ladies man. David from Roseanne plays the relatively normal one trying to hook up with the semi-hot neighbor. By the way, for all the years I watched Roseanne and all the times I have seen Christmas Vacation, I only realized like a year ago that Johnny Galecki plays RUSTY! Crazy. Finally, there is Jim Parsons as Sheldon. Words cannot describe how hilarious he is. Just watch the show - and you're welcome.
Kristin Chenowith's win for Pushing Daisies only serves to further enrage me about the cancellation of the show that was the televised equivalent of a big, warm hug.
We all know Glenn Close will not be ignored, but that is no reason to reward Damages - especially not with Mad Men in the category. Look, she's admittedly (by critics anyway) the best thing on that show. However, this seems to just be another case of star power winning out over performance. Glenn Close is the chick who boiled a bunny and has been in a billion movies. But, Emmy voters - let's recognize fresh talent for a change!
I don't even want to talk about the woman from 24 (which incidentally has totally jumped the shark - how many horrible days can one agent have...apparently as many as it takes for Keifer Sutherland to become too expensive to produce the show). Either of the amazing ladies from In Treatment were robbed.
I will say that the big wins of the evening - while predictable - were right on. Go 30 Rock and Mad Men!
Finally, the Emmy fashion was disappointing. No one was off the deep end crazy - well, no one who matters anyway. I think some random chick showed up wearing some kind of Obama blanket, but most everyone else who was bad was just kind of bad. Drew Barrymore was BORING for f***'s sake! For a full recap, I leave you to the Fug Girls.
One thing I will promise you, dear reader. Assuming this blog remains entertaining for the next 12 months, next year I will do better. As God as my witness, I will never miss the Emmy Red Carpet again!
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Clean Up After Your Dog
My complex is pet-friendly, which means lots of dogs - they even provide baggies and special places to dispose of the waste. This is precisely why I am so mystified by people's insistence in leaving their dog's shit on the middle of walkways. Dear everyone who has a pet they don't think they need to clean up after. Next time you leave your dog's shit on the sidewalk - I hope someone makes you eat it.
Friday, September 18, 2009
"The Men of 1987 Want to Date You"
There just wasn't a better headline for this than the one Scanner came up with. Disappointingly the Found Footage Festival won't be coming to DC, but I encourage our SF and LA readers to make a pilgrimage, if this video is any indication of the hilarity to ensue.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
On Project Runway
Who is this Nicholas fellow? Like Johnny (Tommy? whatever his name is) sucks every challenge and whines and it's annoying and I'm pretty sure he's moments away from finally getting kicked off, and I'm happy about it (despite the fact that, due to the Heidi cum Tyra after show, I really dig his sweet little model.)
But why does this Nicholas punk always talk shit about other people's designs and talk like he's going to be in the top when he sucks such big balls? How can you lack self-awareness to that incredible degree?
UPDATE: Holy shit, Tim Gunn was pissed! I've rarely seen it. Tim, if you're out there, be our friend!
But why does this Nicholas punk always talk shit about other people's designs and talk like he's going to be in the top when he sucks such big balls? How can you lack self-awareness to that incredible degree?
UPDATE: Holy shit, Tim Gunn was pissed! I've rarely seen it. Tim, if you're out there, be our friend!
2B1B: Now Even Cooler
So, in addition to now being available in Kanyevision, 2B1B has also purchased the domain name 2Bitches1Blog.com. So, while you're still viewing us on Blogspot, and we still love Blogger and all things Google (fuck Bing), and you can continue to use the address 2bitches1blog.blogspot.com, you can also simply type in 2bitches1blog.com.
And when you talk about how awesome 2 Bitches, 1Blog is to all of your friends (and you totally should because we totally are) you don't have to include that cumbersome blogspot part, which is awesome...just like 2B1B. Cool? Cool.
And when you talk about how awesome 2 Bitches, 1Blog is to all of your friends (and you totally should because we totally are) you don't have to include that cumbersome blogspot part, which is awesome...just like 2B1B. Cool? Cool.
What is Wrong with Tyra Banks?!
Ok, so I think there is no question that Tyra Banks is a narcissist. I mean, I have seen episodes of Tyra where she will ask a guest a question and as they begin to answer, she interjects with a story about her! Joel McHale loves to show a clip of Tyra pointing to herself and joyfully saying "Me!" TV Without Pity rightly calls her Tyrant (and believe me, I plan to borrow that phrase often).
But on this last episode of ANTM, she dressed in spandex and a cape and called herself Super Smize - as in smiles with her eyes. There were even cheesy effects where there were little flashes coming off her as she posed and smiled with her eyes.
Then, she actually cast Lauren Conrad of The Hills fame to be a guest judge?! That girl's only talent is letting cameras follow her all day and not rolling her eyes at Audrina whenever she talks.
For the love of all that is holy, Tyrant - it's bad enough that you think the world revolves around you, but don't do anything else to overstate the importance of the MTV/VH1 reality "stars".
But on this last episode of ANTM, she dressed in spandex and a cape and called herself Super Smize - as in smiles with her eyes. There were even cheesy effects where there were little flashes coming off her as she posed and smiled with her eyes.
Then, she actually cast Lauren Conrad of The Hills fame to be a guest judge?! That girl's only talent is letting cameras follow her all day and not rolling her eyes at Audrina whenever she talks.
For the love of all that is holy, Tyrant - it's bad enough that you think the world revolves around you, but don't do anything else to overstate the importance of the MTV/VH1 reality "stars".
Help Us Name This Phenomenon
Tami: I am bloated. Sometimes I hate being female
Elle: happens to the best of us
Tami: dont let me punk out of going to the gym tonight
Elle: mmk
Tami: I did last night because I was pouty, and had bar food for dinner, which was a bad idea
Elle: yeah, but it happens when you're pouty. Just recommit to the discipline. I'm having to do it too, for I am fat
Tami: you are not fat
Elle: all of my clothes are tight. I am fat for me
Tami: ok, I buy that. Same boat
Elle: There should be a word for that--when otherwise normal/skinny girls put on a little weight that they want to get rid of, versus actually getting fat (which I would expect you to tell me "bitch, get to the gym, it's getting bad")
Tami: lol
Elle: Because I feel like so often when you're trying to honestly discuss and evaluate weight gain that you don't like and need to work on friends jump into self-esteem defense mode a la Mean Girls and are like "you're not fat! you're so skinny!"
Tami: no, it's true. i think it's really tough to be a friend sometimes. You want to be supportive,
but not mean. And there is also the girl thing that when a girl says she's fat, she wants to hear she isnt--not always, but often. It's fishing for reassurance
Elle: right, and it's really hard to assess what the friend wants
Tami: seriously
Elle: which is why there should be these two separate terms, because when a normal skinny girl says the term that means actual fat, you would know she's looking for reassurance, versus when she says the new term--whatever we decide it is--for a reasonable assessment of her size, which she'd like to work on
Tami: what is wrong with our gender though? why can't we just be more straightforward?
Elle: ha, you want us to go to our friends and be like 'I'm having a low self-esteem day, please tell me I'm still skinny?"
Elle: ha, you want us to go to our friends and be like 'I'm having a low self-esteem day, please tell me I'm still skinny?"
Tami: kinda. If you need something, ask for it...and welcome an honest response. Like, "well, honey, you have put on weight, but your skin is awesome. Let's go for a run to fix the problem."
Elle: or, "Well sweetie, you have put on some weight, but you're still on the thin size of average. Rethink that shirt though, because it's showing off your problem areas."
Tami: YES!
Tami: YES!
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Oh, Awkward
We've already mentioned our affection for Awkward Family Photos. This is just a tribute to awkward.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Damn You, J. Crew
Seriously, J. Crew has 40 pages of sale items online at this very moment. But there is nothing on the sale walls in the store. And it's all final sale. I have no problem with final sale, but usually I can try stuff on. I don't want to spend the money only to find out something doesn't fit me. Do the stores just send all their sale merchandise away? Why must they torment me?
Southern Charm - Or Something
So this past weekend I had the pleasure of visiting Little Rock, Arkansas for a wedding. I was seriously stoked. Seriously. See, I want to visit all 50 states, but I don't actually want to visit all 50 states (like whichever Dakota doesn't have Mt. Rushmore - what's the point?!).
So, on the plane ride over I met two lovely women. The first told me that West Virginia is cultured compared to Arkansas. And she was from Little Rock... The second had moved to Charlotte (where, incidentally I had to change planes to board a puddle jumper, because no real planes fly into Little Rock) and kept talking about what a huge city it was. Now, I realize Charlotte isn't a small town, but a huge city? Hardly.
When I arrived to the single terminal airport, my fiance and the groom picked me up. They had a great story about using the groom's navigation on his Blackberry to get to Wal-Mart that guided them straight to the center of a trailer park. No, I am not kidding, exaggerating, or otherwise messing with you. Right into a trailer park.
But, with the small town feel, also comes the small town charm. Everyone was incredibly nice and polite. AND, we stayed at a 4 star hotel (complete with a daily duck parade) for $109 a night. So, maybe I should give the other Dakota a chance too.
So, on the plane ride over I met two lovely women. The first told me that West Virginia is cultured compared to Arkansas. And she was from Little Rock... The second had moved to Charlotte (where, incidentally I had to change planes to board a puddle jumper, because no real planes fly into Little Rock) and kept talking about what a huge city it was. Now, I realize Charlotte isn't a small town, but a huge city? Hardly.
When I arrived to the single terminal airport, my fiance and the groom picked me up. They had a great story about using the groom's navigation on his Blackberry to get to Wal-Mart that guided them straight to the center of a trailer park. No, I am not kidding, exaggerating, or otherwise messing with you. Right into a trailer park.
But, with the small town feel, also comes the small town charm. Everyone was incredibly nice and polite. AND, we stayed at a 4 star hotel (complete with a daily duck parade) for $109 a night. So, maybe I should give the other Dakota a chance too.
Fall TV Season - It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year
Ah, yes! The fall television season. There is always so much promise - and my two Tivos (yes, you read that right, my two Tivos) are all aflutter with anticipation. So far, it has not disappointed.
Now, to be fair, not that much has gotten started yet. But, the incredibly stylish and addictive Mad Men has been superb, and my guilty pleasures are back with a vengeance.
Now, I know Elle already talked a bit about 90210, Melrose, and ANTM, but I have a few things to add to her "Part 1" posting.
First, I must disagree with her assessment of the new 9-0. Now, don't get me wrong, the first season went off the rails hard core. It was trying to lure in viewers of the original with Kelly, Donna and Brenda nostalgia, but that really only served to make the adults more interesting than the so-called main characters. Plus, AnnaLynn McCord appeared to be unable to act her way out of a box. Don't ask what that actually means. I am trying to creatively say she was wooden and horrible. But, much like the shiteous addictive quality of the final seasons of the original, I could not stop watching the remake. It was like a hideous trainwreck - like Tori Spellings botched boob job - it was confusing, horrifying, and I simply could not look away.
This season though - this season has a different quality. First of all, I swear ALMcC appears to have taken acting lessons. Plus, the writing has improved. It also has that wonderfully soapy quality of ridiculous plot lines peppered with bitchy dialogue. I think the show actually has promise. Plus, the actresses are so ridiculously skinny that I don't feel bad about myself. I just want to strap them to a chair and force feed them McDonalds because they look about 3 seconds away from passing out.
Next, ANTM. I fully agree with Elle here. I also find it hilarious that Tyra cast short girls. You know she only did that because she felt the regular wannabe models (who, incidentally are lucky to get a gig with Wal-Mart after the show ends) weren't nearly appreciative enough of the opportunity. Literally every girl this season has expressed undying gratitude to the Tyra(nt), because "no one else would give us this shot. What she's doing is amazing." You get the idea.
Finally, the Melrose reboot. I am really proud that this time around they realized that not everyone in LA is white. There is actually some diversity in the cast. And yes, the plotlines are still totally over-the-top and delicious. Girl decides to prostitute herself to pay for med school? PRICELESS. Not even Passions could have come up with that shit.
I am also looking forward to the new season of Gossip Girl, the premier of The Beautiful Life: TBL (BTW - how stupid is that acronym in the title?), How I Met Your Mother, Big Bang Theory, and a myriad of new shows that look promising as well old favorites I simply cannot quit.
Now, to be fair, not that much has gotten started yet. But, the incredibly stylish and addictive Mad Men has been superb, and my guilty pleasures are back with a vengeance.
Now, I know Elle already talked a bit about 90210, Melrose, and ANTM, but I have a few things to add to her "Part 1" posting.
First, I must disagree with her assessment of the new 9-0. Now, don't get me wrong, the first season went off the rails hard core. It was trying to lure in viewers of the original with Kelly, Donna and Brenda nostalgia, but that really only served to make the adults more interesting than the so-called main characters. Plus, AnnaLynn McCord appeared to be unable to act her way out of a box. Don't ask what that actually means. I am trying to creatively say she was wooden and horrible. But, much like the shiteous addictive quality of the final seasons of the original, I could not stop watching the remake. It was like a hideous trainwreck - like Tori Spellings botched boob job - it was confusing, horrifying, and I simply could not look away.
This season though - this season has a different quality. First of all, I swear ALMcC appears to have taken acting lessons. Plus, the writing has improved. It also has that wonderfully soapy quality of ridiculous plot lines peppered with bitchy dialogue. I think the show actually has promise. Plus, the actresses are so ridiculously skinny that I don't feel bad about myself. I just want to strap them to a chair and force feed them McDonalds because they look about 3 seconds away from passing out.
Next, ANTM. I fully agree with Elle here. I also find it hilarious that Tyra cast short girls. You know she only did that because she felt the regular wannabe models (who, incidentally are lucky to get a gig with Wal-Mart after the show ends) weren't nearly appreciative enough of the opportunity. Literally every girl this season has expressed undying gratitude to the Tyra(nt), because "no one else would give us this shot. What she's doing is amazing." You get the idea.
Finally, the Melrose reboot. I am really proud that this time around they realized that not everyone in LA is white. There is actually some diversity in the cast. And yes, the plotlines are still totally over-the-top and delicious. Girl decides to prostitute herself to pay for med school? PRICELESS. Not even Passions could have come up with that shit.
I am also looking forward to the new season of Gossip Girl, the premier of The Beautiful Life: TBL (BTW - how stupid is that acronym in the title?), How I Met Your Mother, Big Bang Theory, and a myriad of new shows that look promising as well old favorites I simply cannot quit.
The VMAs: What Can We Really Say?
A lot of people have asked us what we think of the VMAs and if we're going to post on it. I'm not really sure what there is to say that hasn't been said already. Kanye West is a huge tool who does douchey stuff...that's not really news.
It's unfortunate that he humiliated Taylor Swift, who had no control over winning the award and was a really improper target for a point well taken, but they weren't going to give Best Female Video to the winner of Video of the Year. It's like Kanye's never seen an MTV award show before. Oh, but wait, he has, he disrupted one in 2004. And seriously, the VMA's are just not that important as far as awards are concerned.
In fact, they're so unimportant that the ratings had slipped pretty badly in recent years (only 6 million viewers in 2006 where it used to draw 12). It needed some sensationalist press and 2 simulcasts to reach a cumulative audience of about 11 million. I'm not so sure they didn't do it all for the YouTube hits.
Also, Kanye, what the hell is going on with your hair?
It's unfortunate that he humiliated Taylor Swift, who had no control over winning the award and was a really improper target for a point well taken, but they weren't going to give Best Female Video to the winner of Video of the Year. It's like Kanye's never seen an MTV award show before. Oh, but wait, he has, he disrupted one in 2004. And seriously, the VMA's are just not that important as far as awards are concerned.
In fact, they're so unimportant that the ratings had slipped pretty badly in recent years (only 6 million viewers in 2006 where it used to draw 12). It needed some sensationalist press and 2 simulcasts to reach a cumulative audience of about 11 million. I'm not so sure they didn't do it all for the YouTube hits.
Also, Kanye, what the hell is going on with your hair?
Can Sports Bras Rightly Be Called Lingerie?
I don't have a big feministy problem with this, but I don't really get why it's a big deal. Guys play football "shirts and skins" all the time. I used to practice soccer in attire that wasn't much different. The chicks in the pictures with bellybutton rings worry me a little...that doesn't seem safe.
Overall, I'm for it. I'm for women having the choice to play whatever sport they want wearing whatever they want. But seriously, take out your bellybutton ring.
Overall, I'm for it. I'm for women having the choice to play whatever sport they want wearing whatever they want. But seriously, take out your bellybutton ring.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Friday, September 11, 2009
Wrong. Bad. Bad. Wrong. No. No. No.
The leggings topic is stalking me.
Fellow PR chick KA sent me a media request from HARO for VIVmag.com. (Sidenote: Ideeli, this is where you advertise?! Our readers are much more your target audience and our rates are incredibly reasonable.) The request read:
Well, Shelley Levitt, reporter for VIVmag.com that gets advertisers that it totally doesn't deserve, I don't know that I can be considered an expert, but allow me to take a stab at answering your questions.
First, there is definitely too old to wear leggings--you don't want to look too trying-hard-trendy. Age appropriately. This is why Vogue does the age issue.
There is also definitely too short. Short girls have to be very careful not to cut off their height with leggings.
As for good legs, well, here I have a question: when we say "leggings trend" are we talking leggings as pants or are we talking leggings under skirts? Leggings under skirts can actually hide bad legs pretty decently, but you have to be able to pull off the look, and there's an age limit on it. If we're talking leggings as pants, well, if you have fatty legs, don't fucking wear leggings as pants. In fact, even if you just have normal legs, most times you shouldn't wear leggings as pants. (And yes, acknowledged, many would say never to wear leggings as pants.)
Brands? Well, they're f'ing leggings. Basic black from Old Navy for $6 will work. Just wash them in cold water. Don't wear patterns. Or I'll find you. Just to be safe, as AO advised, just wearing tights...not as pants.
I kind of want to check for this article when it comes out...but I don't want to drive up VIVmag.com's viewer numbers and subsequent advetising rates. Hmmm...
Fellow PR chick KA sent me a media request from HARO for VIVmag.com. (Sidenote: Ideeli, this is where you advertise?! Our readers are much more your target audience and our rates are incredibly reasonable.) The request read:
I'm looking for fashion experts who can offer advice to women 35+ on how to make the leggings trend work for them. For women who think they're too old or too short, who think they're legs aren't good enough, or their style is too traditional, what are some tips to adding leggings to their wardrobe, including the best brands, styles, patterns, colors to wear.
Well, Shelley Levitt, reporter for VIVmag.com that gets advertisers that it totally doesn't deserve, I don't know that I can be considered an expert, but allow me to take a stab at answering your questions.
First, there is definitely too old to wear leggings--you don't want to look too trying-hard-trendy. Age appropriately. This is why Vogue does the age issue.
There is also definitely too short. Short girls have to be very careful not to cut off their height with leggings.
As for good legs, well, here I have a question: when we say "leggings trend" are we talking leggings as pants or are we talking leggings under skirts? Leggings under skirts can actually hide bad legs pretty decently, but you have to be able to pull off the look, and there's an age limit on it. If we're talking leggings as pants, well, if you have fatty legs, don't fucking wear leggings as pants. In fact, even if you just have normal legs, most times you shouldn't wear leggings as pants. (And yes, acknowledged, many would say never to wear leggings as pants.)
Brands? Well, they're f'ing leggings. Basic black from Old Navy for $6 will work. Just wash them in cold water. Don't wear patterns. Or I'll find you. Just to be safe, as AO advised, just wearing tights...not as pants.
I kind of want to check for this article when it comes out...but I don't want to drive up VIVmag.com's viewer numbers and subsequent advetising rates. Hmmm...
Because at 2B1B, We Always Strive for Class and Appropriateness
Never forget?
Hey tattoo artist, I hope that dude paid you enough...for your soul. Then again, had it been an ad campaign, he could have won an award.
It Must Be Fall...
I ordered a Sam Adams seasonal at the bar last night--it was no longer Summer Ale, we're in Oktoberfest season.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Oh Television, How I Missed You
Like an addict in detox all summer, I love the week after Labor Day. In fact, I was so desperate for my fix that I happily watched Modern 90210 last night which, as an obsessive fan of the original, I happen to think pretty much blows.
Actually, taking this addiction metaphor one step farther (largely because I've just started watching The Wire on DVD), it's not like I gave up TV during the summer shit season, the quality of my TV stash was just, well, stepped on. God help me, I actually watched the TV series version of 10 Things I Hate About You. Oh September, you bringer of high quality, mind rotting product, you.
No doubt this will be a multi-part homage to the return of television season (from both myself and Tami), but I'll kick us off...
Modern 90210
You still suck and bother me. Also I have no idea what's going on. But, whenever Silver decided to cut her hair and Adriana decided to grow it long, well, good choice.
Modern Melrose Place
Given the theme of this blog, you may have thought I was counting down to the premier of Modern Melrose Place. I was not. Modern 90210 was such a disappointment--so poorly acted, so obnoxiously squeaky clean (at least they were true to the original there)--that I had just given up hope that new MP would be any good.I was wrong. Where the original MP started out with the good kid, life lesson format fitting a 90210 spin off and then quickly devolved into drastic character changes and drama, the new MP starts off naughty...and I like it. I was skeptical when they killed Sydney in the first scene--afterall, everyone's tried to kill Sydney from pimps to her husband-at-the-time. (I'd have said "spoiler alert," but seriously, it's the first scene.)
It could still go wrong--and I'd had a cocktail or two upon watching (don't judge)--but so far I think New MP is all right.
America's Next Top Model
Oh. God. Tyra. Why?First and foremost, I wonder every season if professing Tyra worship is a prerequisite to getting on the show. Like if Naomi Campbell assumed a pseudonym and went to casting but said at every opportunity what a moronic, desperate narcissist Tyra is, would they cut her ass? Pretty sure. In fact, I'm pretty sure that's why Elyse way back in "cycle" 1.
And you know what makes me more over it? When every comment about the photos is whether or not the girl looks long enough. It's not changing the standard of beauty when what you're trying to do is take short girls and photograph them so that they look tall. It's like saying you don't discriminate against black models and then asking them to wear make-up/hair/clothes that make them look white (which, of course, is a controversy in the industry as well.)
Last and never least, god do I love the crazy Christian archetype on cycle after cycle of ANTM. This particular season's may well have been the f'ing craziest. She was weirdly loud and screamed "Thank you, Jesus! We're going to save the world!" when she was selected as a finalist. You can't beat that kind of crazy, and I'm terminally depressed that she decided not to continue on "for personal reasons." I wanted to see that crazy bitch do a nude shoot.
Top Chef
Padma, did you get hotter?!
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Comments: Now Easier
One of the things that has confused me since we started this blog is why friends have been so much more willing to gchat me about blog topics, rather than comment on posts. For example, on the skinny jeans debate, gems like this should be shared:
I totally disagree about the high shoes, totally agree about the boots, but this is certainly an issue that should be debated among the entire community, important world issue that it is!
So why don't more people comment?
Reader LD informed me today that it's because you have to sign in to Google with your own account, you can't simply fill in a name. I guess Tami and I never noticed because we always have to be signed in. No matter, the issue is now fixed and you can be as anonymous as you want, so comment away!
I think they can be buffered with high shoes in general (hence maybe an extra 5-10% of the population can pull them off) and also have a whole diff look when worn with a boot. otherwise, people that are circa 100 lbs can wear them with flats.
I totally disagree about the high shoes, totally agree about the boots, but this is certainly an issue that should be debated among the entire community, important world issue that it is!
So why don't more people comment?
Reader LD informed me today that it's because you have to sign in to Google with your own account, you can't simply fill in a name. I guess Tami and I never noticed because we always have to be signed in. No matter, the issue is now fixed and you can be as anonymous as you want, so comment away!
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