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As is well-documented, Elle and I love the CW schlock – especially the 9-0 reboot and the prematurely canceled Melrose revisited. But, perhaps sadly, it runs deeper for me. I almost have a maternal attachment to the show. I feel invested.

Let me explain. I had such high hopes before the show premiered. I was like a proud new mama that thought her baby could do anything! Be anyone! Go anywhere! And then the terrible twos set in. The show was horrid. Anna Lynn McCord was wooden, Shenae Grimes confused emoting with the look one gets on their face when constipated, and they revealed how poorly the beloved Brenda Walsh had aged. But then there was hope. The show grew into a precocious child, renewing the sense of promise it once had. The story lines were interesting. The acting was better. Sure, it was still a sudsy ridiculous soap, but it was fun!

And now, we appear to have hit the teen years. Those dreaded teen years. The once fanciful implausible plots have become dark, moody, and just plain stupid. For example, on a recent Spring Break trip to Mexico (on a private jet?!), Annie got bit by a monkey, Ivy realized she didn’t need pot to surf (seriously, WTF), and Adriana replaced Silver’s medicine for her bi-polar disorder with Tylenol.

I have watched a lot of soap opera villains do a lot of crazy shit, but I don’t even get to what end one would replace someone’s medication for being manic-depressive. Does she want her to commit suicide? No, that’s too dark. Does she want her to go manic so her boyfriend breaks up with her? Probably, but in what real world situation would someone break up with their bipolar girlfriend (when he knows she is bipolar) for having a manic or depressive episode? I mean, wouldn’t one of her dozens of friends and loved ones who all know about her condition just intervene and suggest she see her doctor to readjust her meds?

There is always hope that the post-teenage years will straighten out this wayward TV show. But, what I guess makes me the most nervous is that perhaps it isn’t the show. Perhaps it’s me. Maybe it is finally time to stop watching shows whose target audiences get the appeal of Justin Bieber. Could it be that it isn't the shows growing pains but my own that I am reacting to?

Nah. It's the show.

If You Aren't Watching Pretty Little Liars, It Is Time to Start

It’s no secret that I love me some stupid TV. I like to think of it as brain candy or the antidote to a stressful day. Thankfully, one of my (and Elle’s) favorite guilty pleasures is back: Pretty Little Liars.

For the uninitiated, PLL is the story of five best friends, one of whom disappears and is found dead a year later. The actors playing the title little liars are largely nobodies (with the sort of exception of Lucy Kate Hale, who has had a failed show every televisions season up until now. I was starting to think she was cursed considering both Privileged and the Bionic Woman reboot failed with her in a starring role), but two of the moms are played by Laura “Sydney Andrews Mancini” Leighton and Holly Marie Combs of Charmed fame. Anyway, the liars are tormented by a mysterious person named “A” who knows all their secrets – and tells them. “A” also seems to know who killed the 5^th friend, and the other four can’t resist trying to find out who both “A” and the killer are. But doing so puts them in a compromising situation – especially considering they all seem to make pretty horrific personal choices.

Now that you have a brief background, allow me to give you a list of reasons to watch:

• The title doesn’t lie – the show is full of pretty people
• If you miss Melrose as much as Elle and I do, this is your replacement for campy, totally off-the-wall story lines (e.g. Laura Leighton’s character actually sleeps with a police officer to keep her daughter out of trouble and steals from the bank where she works to keep her and her daughter in designer goods)
• It’s on ABC Family, so it repeats like 1000 times per week, making it easy to stay up-to-date without DVR conflicts
• It’s way less infuriating than Gossip Girl
• Because Elle and I say so!

Versace! Cavalli! Vogue! Cover Girl?!

This season of America's Next Top Model takes the ridiculous cake. Now, Elle's and my love-hate relationship with Tyrant Banks is well-documented insofar as we love to hate her and have blogged about it frequently. Season after season we've called her narcissistic, fake, crazy, and clueless. But, she's a pretty savvy businesswoman - she's built an empire for herself. And yet, this season just tells me she is dumb.

As anyone who has watched cycle 15 can attest, they have attempted to elevate the competition. They are looking for a girl who is more high fashion. And they have had some pretty incredible guest judges like DVF, Pat Fields, Zac Posen, Margherita Missoni, and more (definitely no low-rent Kim Kardashians or Lauren Conrads for this bunch). And while some of the photo shoots/challenges have been absurd (H2T Water - is that really a thing?! And if so, does Tyra own it? And what about Tyra's directorial debut. WTF was that?! Like, is a video editorial a real thing - or is this Tyra trying to start another trend like the overuse of "fierce" or "smizing"? Or will this just be another failed attempt at a career change - like her music video. Sorry, I am getting off topic here), this season has definitely felt less commercial - save for one thing: the Cover Girl contract.

If they are truly looking for a high fashion model, then they are not looking for someone who can do Cover Girl. You know who are the biggest CG spokespeople currently? Drew Barrymore and Queen Latifah. Nothing about either of those women screams high fashion to me. CG's whole schtick is about approachable beauty. High fashion is in diametric opposition to approachable. And do not even get me started on the Walmart challenge from early in the season...

Furthermore, they keep harping on personality. I get that models need to book jobs, but high fashion or couture runway girls are glorified hangers. I bet most of the really successful fashion models working today have the personality of a wet rag - you cannot have a personality and be that thin. You're just too hungry and hunger makes people lethargic and/or bitchy. Maybe those aren't the models who we know by name, but none of these girls on ANTM are going to be as successful as Gisele or even Tyra (who, incidentally, are both famous for their commercial work). If we see them after the show, we only know their names because of the show. The goal should be to work - and make money, not to be a top model - and I don't care what the show is called. I don't "idolize" Kelly Clarkson. Richard Hatch is a douchebag and a criminal - not a "survivor." There is nothing remotely real about "The Real World." The only truthful reality show name is "I Love Money." But "America's Next Working Model Who Can Support Herself as a Model" isn't as catchy a title.

I support the search for an actual editorial model. I think it is an interesting twist (certainly more interesting than the midget season), but if you're going to do it, really commit. Ditch the Cover Girl cash cow, don't let the girls within 1000 yards of a Walmart, and stop trying to force girls who lack personality to prove they have one - they don't. And guess what, if the clothes look good, they photos are hot, and they can walk a runway, they will work - and probably be more successful than the winner.

X.O.X.Oh, I so don't care anymore.

This season on Gossip Girl, I was bored. It's a classic teen drama mistake - they took them out of high school and tried to put them in the adult world. Here's the thing - high school melodrama is more compelling and believable (even when it's totally unbelievable) than when the characters strike out into the real world only to face instant success and bizarre complications.

Case and point: Serena's affair with the newly elected Congressman Tripp VanDerBilt (who, incidentally, looks about 16). She doesn't suspect anything when she gets a job she is totally unqualified for - but I guess they never do in TV Land - and then she thinks she and her boss can remain professional?! Please. Life doesn't work that way, and I don't care how pretty you are.

Don't even get me started on the snooze-worthy relationship between Dan and Vanessa; the utter ridiculousness of a 19 year old running a multi-million/billion dollar company; or Jenny the drug dealer. It's all just lame and boring. CW, it's time to euthanize this drama before it goes the way of the original 9-0: from a youthful, fun romp to an old, incontinent curmudgeon of a program. It's telling you to get off its lawn. Listen!

What is Still Wrong with Tyra Banks?

Cycle 14 of ANTM premiered this week, and it seems like the standard fair. Tyrant still dresses like a mental patient and overuses the term "fierce" to the point that if it ever had a meaning, it would have lost all of it. There are so many teen mothers in this Top Model pool you'd think she was running a halfway house instead of a modeling competition.

There are the clueless hood rats - in fact, one of them actually referred to herself as "classy ghetto." Yeah, because such a thing exists. There are the powder keg girls who explode seemingly for no reason. Okay, those are the same girls are the clueless hood rats. Interestingly though, they are not the teen mothers. In fact, two of the teen moms claim to have gotten knocked up from their first time, and are more bumpkin than hood rat. Seriously, the only things these girls know how to model are the stereotypes they represent.

All in all, the season promises to be kinda boring, but I will make sure to keep watching - just in case something interesting or original actually happens.

Welcome Back, Pretty People With Severe Emotional Problems

Spring has sprung! The snow is melting, the temperatures are consistently above freezing, and CW premiers Gossip Girl, Melrose Place, 90210, and ANTM all in one week. I haven't even had the opportunity to watch all the premiers yet. But, I am excited to pour some wine and finish clearing the DVR.

First, Melrose has rid its self of the odious Asslee Simpson. The only reason she worked on the show is:

1) She bared an eerie resemblance to Laura Leighton (who was supposed to be here mom)
2) Her character was bat-shit insane, which makes her poor acting seem almost passable
3) She got all that surgery and made herself reasonable to look at

While the current Amanda Woodward plot seems a little lame (seriously, Sydney had some painting that was worth a lot of money and Amanda's big scheme is to reclaim it from a dead woman?!), more Heather Locklear has saved that show in the past. All in all, I think the season is promising!

As for 90210, it seems to keep improving. It certainly bares no resemblance to any sort of reality, but at least it pokes fun at itself (like when Anna Lynne McCord spends too much time tanning, and they mock her character for it). I cannot get behind the Rumor Willis thing (it's sad really, the girl got all the worst parts of pre-surgery Demi, and it isn't like there is that much good to take from Bruce) - both her character and her casting. I get they want to be all edgy with a lesbian relationship, but it's a little out of left field and if they wanted to make a character gay, Navid or Silver are much more believable than Adriana. And while Shanae Grimes is still unwatchable, at least they are continuing to torture the character.

The new judge on ANTM seems ridic, and we meet Serena's father on GG (and he's a Baldwin - literally, not the way Cher Horowitz meant it in Clueless).

It's going to be a good Spring for my TiVo! What are you most looking forward to?

How Did I Live Without Showtime?

I grew up without cable, and I blame that for my severe TV addiction. I was so desperate as a child for quality programming that now I feel as though there is an embarrassment of riches and I am a TV hoarder. It's like I survived the TV depression, and now I can't throw anything out!

Recently, we subscribed to Showtime and a whole new world has opened up. While the CW does deliciously soapy crap television, there is nothing as decadent as a Showtime original.

Exhibit A: Secret Diary of a Call Girl

The title is pretty self-explanatory. A prostitute in London (you know, because setting it in London with British accents makes it classier) has a book deal and writes about her exploits while having an affair with her dreamy publisher. And since it is a premium channel, it occasionally verges on soft-core. In short - awesome!

Exhibit B: United States of Tara

Talk about original! Tara is a mother and wife with multiple personalities. Her "alters" are a Susie-Homemaker (a real Bree Van de Kamp-esq character), a 17 year old slut, and a redneck guy named Buck. Her kids are about as well-adjusted as one could hope. Her son is like 14 and struggling with his sexuality while her daughter dates douchebags and has super low self esteem. It's totally twisted and very fun.

Exhibit C: Nurse Jackie

Edie Falco is magic. She plays a deplorable human being who cheats on her husband to get drugs (and her lover is totally in love with her), she pops pills on the job, and she lies about organ donation and loss (she flushed a patient's ear down the toilet). Yet, she is one of the most sympathetic characters on television. It's totally a must-watch (plus, you don't even see a trace of Soprano).

Exhibits D, E, and F:

While I don't watch Weeds, Dexter or Californication (not because I don't want to, I just feel like I am coming in too late and will be totally lost), there are tons of awards among all three shows and the premises are all super original.

If you are living without Showtime, I seriously recommend that you reevaluate your priorities. A subscription will change your life.

Haaaaaa

Obvious statement of the year: Heidi Montag is a waste of oxygen. The fact that she requires more oxygen than the average person by attempting to sing just makes it all that much more infuriating. Particularly when I have more Facebook friends than she has record sales. Us Weekly reports:

"[I]ndustry sources tell UsMagazine.com that the album has sold only 658 downloads to date."

I'll say it again: Haaaaaaaa.

This Bitch is Back - For Now

Hello, anyone who is still actually reading this after Elle and my long hiatus. Let me start by saying that I cannot promise we won't lapse again - we are busy bitches, but we will do our best.

So much has happened in the past two months, it is difficult to know where to start. I think the most logical place to begin is on the Jersey Shore.

Can I just say, wow. And not J-Woww - just wow. I thought the Real World cast was comprised of absurd stereotypes (BTW - RW DC is a HUGE let down), but those guidos and guidettes make any Real Worlder from any season look complex.

The absurd nicknames speak for themselves. It is the tanning addiction that really frightens me. Snooki is essentially an oompa loompa - well, an oompa loompa that decided to start hooking. And those guys - they spend more time in the salon than any woman I've ever met. Oh, and I would NOT want to have to clean out the nasty drains of thick hair and gallons of hair gel. But here's the kicker - THEY ARE COMING BACK FOR ANOTHER SEASON!

So there you have it, America is obsessed with fist-pumping, short, orange people whose vocabulary hasn't surpassed the 8th grade level. You know, with Jon and Kate Plus 8 off the air, this kind of makes sense. Clearly, viewers are craving 8 more tiny people to watch bumble around and speak like children, and America needed a new hair style to make fun of. Oh, and we needed 4 tattooed, douchy, Ed Hardy-wearing idiots to replace Jon.

Melrose Face

As you could probably guess from my gushing about how good new Melrose Place is combined with the picture to the right, I've been counting down to this very night--Amanda Woodward's return to Melrose! I dug the whole "bitch is back" promo thing, and from the quick cuts to Heather Locklear's face, she seemed to be holding up well with age.

Two commercial breaks in, she's so nipped, tucked and botoxed that she can barely talk. I much prefer Daphne Zuniga's pass on the boty, even if it does bore Wendy Williams.

ANTM: Shorter Models and Smaller Budget

The recession has clearly hit ANTM. While there still appears to be ample money for Tyrant's weaves and drag ensembles, the rest of the show appears to be done on the cheap.

Exhibit A: The loss of Paulina Porizkova (or any 5th judge for that matter)

Paulina was that great combination of bitch and sage. She was, as Tyra would say, "fierce" but old enough that Tyra wasn't threatened. Little clue: when Tyra says "legendary" she means "much older than me."

Now there are only 4 judges with a guest judge - who often seems pretty bargain basement (e.g. Lauren Conrad) or is a FOT (friend of Tyra).

Exhibit B: The prizes seem to be less extravagant

Rather than giving the winning girl and 3 friends jewelry or any of them expensive shoes/clothes (and yes, I do know that one challenge winner did get a boat load of free designer duds), most of the prizes are advertorials in Seventeen, extra frames at photo shoots, or Wal-Mart gift cards.

Exhibit C: The trip to Hawaii

Each season the final six girls head to a "fashion capital" to finish out the competition. Well, this year's fashion capital is Hawaii. Now, I've been a little suspect as to whether or not previous destinations constituted fashion capitals (Johannesburg, I am looking at you), but Tyra didn't even pretend Hawaii is a place for fashion. Sure, they shoot plenty of swimsuit catalogues and Victoria's Secret crap there, but flip flops and swimwear do not a fashion destination make.

Exhibit D: The discount contestants

It's almost like Tyra went with short girls because she couldn't afford full-sized ones this year.

Top Chef All Stars Dinner...Eye Roll

As our readers well know, at 2B1B we consider ourselves foodies and true television lovers, so Top Chef is a natural fit for us. But I truly resent clips shows and reunions. I thought maybe the Top Chef All Star Dinner would be different...but really just no.

It's like what Joan Cusack says of her high school reunion in Grosse Pointe Blank: "It's just as if everyone had swelled." And Casey, you're very sweet and very hot, but why does your hair color just never ever look good?

I guess it's interesting to see that Marcel is still a little bitch and that lovably cantankerous Stefan is going to tell him where to shove it, but Bravo, on the off chance that you're listening, none of us really care, we mostly just want to have dinner ourselves with Fabio and the cast of season 3.

I Think You're Being Overcharged...

Back in September, Tami made a really good point about the voice over on one of our mutual favorite shows, How I Met Your Mother.

Watching Gossip Girl, another question on the same subject occurs to me: what's with the famous folks voicing unseen roles? Besides being unrealistic, pretending that Josh Radnor is going to suddenly sound like Bob Saget in the next twenty years just seems like bad business--why pay two actors when you could pay one?

And what the hell is Kristen Bell doing as the voice of Gossip Girl? I guess she has a distinctive voice...sorta...kinda, but she's also damn hot and riding some Forgetting Sarah Marshall fame (and how could we possibly forget Veronica Mars?!) You're telling me there's not one slightly pudgey, eh looking current-waitress-wannabe-actress chick in all of Hollywood with a decent voice who would gleefully perform that role for a tenth of the price and, at the producers' request--nay, demand--pretend to be a press hating recluse? There is a recession, people!

Hell, I'd do it. XOXO.

There, there Ashlee...

C'mon over, we'll split a bottle of champagne, and Tami and I will admire your nose job. (Seriously, that schnoz is a thing of beauty.)

For those that missed the news (and apologies, Tami and I have been under a rock, so we didn't deliver it), Ms. Simpson-Wentz was cut from New Melrose Place, as was Colin Egglesfield (Auggie).

Now, my fellow bitch and I are split on New 90210, but we both agree that New Melrose Place is delicious. It's properly scandalous, the characters are kind of great, Katie Cassidy--despite sometimes being styled ridiculously--is awesome, and it pays great homage to the original without, as Tami pointed out, relegating the new folks to supporting characters the way New 90210 misstepped in the beginning. It's just really good bad TV.

That said, Ashlee Simpson-Wentz pretty much sucks ass. She's just a real bad actress. I think Tyra Banks was her acting instructor, because she spends most of her time on that show "smizing" and overall it reads as crazy eyes. And her character is also genuinely off-putting, which isn't at all her fault, but is still just unfortunate for her. BUT she plays Sydney Andrews daughter, and there's not a person on this planet who looks more like the spawn of Laura Leighton. And it's not like the actors and actresses on the original 90210 or Melrose Place were gifted thespians. These shows can carry a few bad actors.

So is it a smart move on the part of the show? I'm just not sure. I guess it really depends on how they wrap up the Sydney Andrews murder drama. But I will says that on multiple occasions I've recommended to a friend that she watch New Melrose Place, and she's responded that she would, but Ashlee Simpson-Wentz is on it, so how good can it be? If the chick is dragging down ratings, I support the show's producers, because letting this thing get canceled would be a travesty for humanity. I'm only half kidding.

As for Colin Egglesfield, I didn't know his name until this story broke, but I'm in serious anguish. He was, without question, the hottest thing on that show. I love the dark, broody, motor-cycle riding type. He was going to replace the Dylan McKay crush I've held onto for way too long.

Why Am I Still Watching The Hills?

Every time I turn it on, my fiance runs out of the room screaming that watching even a second of that crap is causing him to lose brain cells (and whenever I would watch one of the VH1 "of Love" shows, he said I was giving the Tivo herpes), and I agree. It's a vile show about horrible, vapid people. Yet, I cannot stop watching.

A new season started last week, and its star (who incidentally made more than 100K an episode) has decided to live life off camera for a while. Meanwhile, fame whore Kristin Cavallari (who refused to honor contractual obligations to appear on Laguna Beach after graduating) failed at her attempted acting career and has set her sights on the role of Hills villain. It is honestly the only explanation for her behavior. Who starts a fight the second time they meet someone out of the blue?! If there were any doubt (there wasn't) that The Hills is scripted, it's gone now.

And then there is "King" Spencer Pratt. The guy is a douche rocket. And yet, he is sort of an evil genius. He practically has a weekly segment on The Soup, gets magazine covers left and right, and has only recently been eclipsed by Jon Gosselin as Perez Hilton's favorite guy to draw penises on. (Hey, Perez - it's still on, BTW. And if Jon Gosselin is so offensive, STOP GIVING THE GUY FREE PRESS!) He went from being nobody to being as famous as any legitimate celebrity. People who would never watch The Hills know who he is. Anderson Cooper has even talked about him!

I think the reason I cannot stop watching The Hills is that there is some sort of black magic going on. Maybe there are subliminal messages recorded under that lame instrumental music they play for the "previously on The Hills" recap at the beginning of each episode. For such a reviled show, it does well enough to pay its cast obscene salaries for essentially nothing. Adam DiVello seriously has made a deal with the devil, and I hope he rots in hell for cursing the American public with the phenomenon known as "Speidi" and for all the brain cells his program has cost me.

I Made it All the Way Through Gossip Girl...

Unlike Tami, and there's something really wrong with Tyra Banks.

She played her usual character: over-acted hysteria and high maintenance behavior. But wait! That's not who she really is, she's just been manipulated and taken advantage of by all of her handlers! Snore. I've already seen this character on ANTM and the Tyra Banks Show. Yes Tyra, you're very misunderstood...you and every 15 year-old girl in America.

Also, HilDuff looks chunky. She got too thin for a minute there, but she's swung too far the other way now. Or maybe it was just the heinous styling.

(In contrast, shout out to LH who sat next to the beautiful and fabulous Blake Lively at lunch today.)

Gossip Girl: A Case Study in Why Stunt Casting Is A Bad Idea

Before I get to GG, and the overacting mess that is Tyra Banks, I want to share something from my latest issue of Entertainment Weekly that really got me thinking. EW asserted an old adage: Stars don't make TV - TV makes stars. I wish I could find a link to the article to share with you, but it appears that it is only in the print version of the magazine and not their Web site. So, I will give you the highlights. Recently, Christian Slater, Heather Graham and Hugh Jackman were all cast in shows that were off the air as quickly as they appeared. Before Friends, all the members of the cast were struggling actors who might have looked vaguely familiar (e.g. Courtney Cox from her stint on Family Ties). Friends made them HUGE. And Friends provides a good segue to talk about stunt casting.

When done well, there is nothing wrong with an occasional big name dropping by a show for February sweeps. In fact, when done well, it usually results in an Emmy for said big name (see: William Shatner on The Practice). But an endless parade of guest stars gets you no where, and it just shows your writers are running out of ideas (see: J-Lo, Janet Jackson and a million other randoms on Will & Grace).

But stunt casting is the worst when you don't even swing for the fences with your guest stars. And that brings me to tonight's episode of Gossip Girl. Tonight, viewers were treated to both Hilary Duff and Tyra Banks. I really wish there were a better way to convey sarcasm, but let me spell if out for you. By "treated," I actually mean tortured to two terrible performances. And, I have to be honest, I didn't even make it through the entire episode. When Tyra had her first scene, I had to turn off the TV and immediately shower - because I felt so dirty for tuning in.

Hilary Duff is wooden and her teeth are still distracting. Honestly, the girl should stick to singing (sue me, I kinda found Wake Up sort of catchy) and Disney fare - where they honestly don't care if you can act. I mean, she is playing an actress and she is unconvincing! You know something - all those "big actresses" who got their start with Disney all kind of suck in real roles. The Duffster, Lindsay Lohan, Miley Cyrus, Vanessa Hudgens...the list goes on, but I digress.

And then there is Tyrant. She fancies herself an actress, but bitch, please. She habitually overacts - and those poor girls on ANTM when she offers them an acting "teach" - they are just screwed. She is supposed to play this impossible diva on GG, but the funny part is they didn't just cast her as Tyra. Now, had she been cast to play herself, we might have had something here. But, as a character actress, she is just unwatchable.

Yet, there is a bigger problem with stunt casting than casting sub-par stars to drive ratings. It often signals the beginning of the end - the jumping of the shark that Elle referenced recently. It's like a harbinger of a show death - sometimes the death is slow (again, see: Will & Grace) and sometimes it is rather sudden (see:Betty White on My Name is Earl - yeah, that's canceled).

I used to really enjoy GG. I put it in the guilty pleasure category. It was frothy and silly. I clearly have a soft spot for shows about pretty people and their epic problems. But, this latest episode - combined with that awkward transition to college that almost no show does well - has got me wondering if I have one less thing to Tivo.

I Think I've Isolated Tyra Banks's Pathology

(Yes, we're going to rip on Tyra on a weekly basis. Those who object will be banned from the readership.)

Tyra believes that she is America's Next Top Model. This is the problem. Every cycle, when she says "one of you will be America's Next Top Model," what she means is "I am America's top model and none of you little bitches will ever challenge my title." This is why no one on that show ever goes on to modeling success.

How else do you explain her appearing between each girl's photo shoot--shot by Tyra, of course. Memo to the Tyrant, being a model doesn't make you a photographer. Deal with it. Get me Annie Leibovitz--wearing different colored head scarves, talking about the girls' performance, doing crazy shit with the scarves and making her ridiculous accents. And of course, there were choice self-love quotes (from memory):

"The reason you had to unwrap my whole body from that huge scarf is because you're going to wear head scarves in your photo shoot." Right, because that makes sense. Clearly the same thing.

"You're going to wear head scarves, so you're going to look like me when I go to bed." Yes Tyra, you and every other chick with your hair type, which is roughly an entire ethnic group.

"I was really excited to shoot Ashley because she was my girl that I found on my talk show and now I'm shooting her during my television show." Fuck it, Ashley wins.

Tyra, look into shock therapy.

Jay Manuel is actually a totally decent art director. I don't know how he puts up with this.

And what the balls is Tyra (and Hillary Duff at that) doing on Gossip Girl next week? I feel a shark jump coming on.

Joel McHale is My Hero

Not only is the guy ridiculously cute (I have an affection for tall men), but he gets paid to mock bad television. And that has led to an opportunity to star in good television.

Now, I went to Berkeley (Go Bears!), and Berkeley is full of idealistic students who somehow do not realize that the 60s are over - and I am not just talking about the independent pharmaceutical distribution that the town is also famous for. No, I am talking about the pathological need some students have to re-create the Free Speech Movement.

So, that brings me to my love for Joel McHale - or at least his new show Community (but make no mistake - I love Joel McHale for who he is as well). On last week's episode, the students are so eager to be political in college that they host a protest to show their outrage over a journalist who was beaten to death in Guatemala - and had a pinata made to look like him for the protest. They finish the day's event with a silent protest and candle light vigil - you know, because silence=death and candles are dramatic.

Well, Joel McHale's character is trying to get with some generic, but attractive blond, so he pretends to care and joins the protest. Meanwhile, Chevy Chase's character gets super drunk and makes a scene. This is brilliant. Ah, reminds me of college.

I Love How I Met Your Mother But...

Why does Bob Saget do the voice over for Josh Radnor? I mean, Josh Radnor (Ted) is an adult. Does his voice change after fathering children? It made sense for Wonder Years - young Kevin was pre-pubescent. I just don't understand.