On Halloween night, I managed to lose my driver's license in New York between the parade and the bar...it was a fucking downer. I've been in a pissier mood than usual ever since.
Well, I came home today and someone had sent my ID back to my parents' house (where my ID is still from, because I don't own a car and it's $50+ cheaper) and they forwarded it along to me. I'm so damn charmed that I almost believe that humanity is basically good and decent.
Please feel free to guess at how long this mood will last and what will cause it to break.
UPDATE: 8:32 a.m. Thursday morning. F'ing Metro.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Too Cute to Keep to Myself
I've been slipping on leaves all week (in flip flops, because when it gets unseasonably warm like this, it's wrong not to revert to one's California ways.) But Christopher Neimann did the perfect welcome-to-fall treatment. Almost makes me love the leaves on the ground (and I definitely love the approaching holidays.) This one just happens to be my favorite, but check out the full post--there are several gems. Happy fall, everyone.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Melrose Face
As you could probably guess from my gushing about how good new Melrose Place is combined with the picture to the right, I've been counting down to this very night--Amanda Woodward's return to Melrose! I dug the whole "bitch is back" promo thing, and from the quick cuts to Heather Locklear's face, she seemed to be holding up well with age.
Two commercial breaks in, she's so nipped, tucked and botoxed that she can barely talk. I much prefer Daphne Zuniga's pass on the boty, even if it does bore Wendy Williams.
Two commercial breaks in, she's so nipped, tucked and botoxed that she can barely talk. I much prefer Daphne Zuniga's pass on the boty, even if it does bore Wendy Williams.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
DC, We Need to Talk...
About your terrible fashion sense! Winter is upon us and generally one would think that folks would cover up against the cold. Apparently not.
I've been a fan of tights, particularly instead of leggings. They're difficult to confuse with pants (but just in case you wondered, NOT PANTS. Neither leggings nor tights are pants. It's very important that we all recognize this.) And, unlike leggings, they don't cut off height and make short gals (like myself) look shorter.
But the lycra abusers of this city can get all kinds of things wrong. Another thing leggings and tights don't do: make your skirt an appropriate length. Now I'll admit, tights can push that skirt that's on the border of being work appropriate or not over the edge if they're in the same color family and that color is muted, but if your ass is about to peek out of the bottom of your skirt, it doesn't make it ok if it's "covered" with tights. All of the following pictures were taken in the middle of a work day.
Besides having a whole lot of property with a very little real estate on top of it (that's my way of saying "fat ass in a little skirt"), this woman on a cold, windy, rainy day, has chosen to cover her legs with nothing but thin, brightly colored, ugly patterned tights. Patterned tights can be cute, but they can also go very very wrong. They tend to be better on darker colors and thicker tights. Tami once witnessed the most unfortunate patterned tights of all--skin toned pattern tights. Looks. Like. Leg fungus. Long story short, if in the slightest bit of doubt, just say no to patterned tights.
The pattern below is, at least, kind of amusing. I would argue that it's too loud to be work appropriate, and that skirt is unquestionably too short. And last but not least, while I have woken up late for work and thrown on layers of black and gray until I was convinced that there was enough pseudo-matching that it came back around on the other side of fine looking (like how communism becomes sort of like fascism if you go far enough left even though fascism is far right. What, that didn't clarify the theory?) But I'm pretty sure this gal got up, put herself together, and thought she was looking fab. Well honey, you're fat, sparkling and not matching. Also, we don't include faces on this blog, but she had some truly heinous highlights.
And, well, as long as we're taking pictures of people, TWINS!! Maybe shopping with our friends isn't a good idea. [Shrug]
I've been a fan of tights, particularly instead of leggings. They're difficult to confuse with pants (but just in case you wondered, NOT PANTS. Neither leggings nor tights are pants. It's very important that we all recognize this.) And, unlike leggings, they don't cut off height and make short gals (like myself) look shorter.
But the lycra abusers of this city can get all kinds of things wrong. Another thing leggings and tights don't do: make your skirt an appropriate length. Now I'll admit, tights can push that skirt that's on the border of being work appropriate or not over the edge if they're in the same color family and that color is muted, but if your ass is about to peek out of the bottom of your skirt, it doesn't make it ok if it's "covered" with tights. All of the following pictures were taken in the middle of a work day.
Besides having a whole lot of property with a very little real estate on top of it (that's my way of saying "fat ass in a little skirt"), this woman on a cold, windy, rainy day, has chosen to cover her legs with nothing but thin, brightly colored, ugly patterned tights. Patterned tights can be cute, but they can also go very very wrong. They tend to be better on darker colors and thicker tights. Tami once witnessed the most unfortunate patterned tights of all--skin toned pattern tights. Looks. Like. Leg fungus. Long story short, if in the slightest bit of doubt, just say no to patterned tights.
The pattern below is, at least, kind of amusing. I would argue that it's too loud to be work appropriate, and that skirt is unquestionably too short. And last but not least, while I have woken up late for work and thrown on layers of black and gray until I was convinced that there was enough pseudo-matching that it came back around on the other side of fine looking (like how communism becomes sort of like fascism if you go far enough left even though fascism is far right. What, that didn't clarify the theory?) But I'm pretty sure this gal got up, put herself together, and thought she was looking fab. Well honey, you're fat, sparkling and not matching. Also, we don't include faces on this blog, but she had some truly heinous highlights.
And, well, as long as we're taking pictures of people, TWINS!! Maybe shopping with our friends isn't a good idea. [Shrug]
This Is Not a Small Mistake
Jon Stewart--whom I watch nightly--pointed out recently that Fox News has grossly exaggerated the attendance at a recent health care rally by using older footage of a better attended rally. Sean Hannity admitted that Stewart was right and apologized for the distortion...sort of...
Is it just me, or was that a little glib for someone who just tried to manipulate the political system by outright lying on what is supposed to be a news broadcast. He acts like Jon is picking on them for a production mistake. And while it may have been an inadvertent switch (I kind of doubt it) the effect of the footage was to drastically distort the truth of the story being reported. Given the implications there, I think the apology should have taken a tone that was closer to reverent and farther from snide.
Then again, I may just be carrying over some Republican rage from having recently watched this:
No wonder I left Georgia.
Is it just me, or was that a little glib for someone who just tried to manipulate the political system by outright lying on what is supposed to be a news broadcast. He acts like Jon is picking on them for a production mistake. And while it may have been an inadvertent switch (I kind of doubt it) the effect of the footage was to drastically distort the truth of the story being reported. Given the implications there, I think the apology should have taken a tone that was closer to reverent and farther from snide.
Then again, I may just be carrying over some Republican rage from having recently watched this:
No wonder I left Georgia.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
ANTM: Shorter Models and Smaller Budget
The recession has clearly hit ANTM. While there still appears to be ample money for Tyrant's weaves and drag ensembles, the rest of the show appears to be done on the cheap.
Exhibit A: The loss of Paulina Porizkova (or any 5th judge for that matter)
Paulina was that great combination of bitch and sage. She was, as Tyra would say, "fierce" but old enough that Tyra wasn't threatened. Little clue: when Tyra says "legendary" she means "much older than me."
Now there are only 4 judges with a guest judge - who often seems pretty bargain basement (e.g. Lauren Conrad) or is a FOT (friend of Tyra).
Exhibit B: The prizes seem to be less extravagant
Rather than giving the winning girl and 3 friends jewelry or any of them expensive shoes/clothes (and yes, I do know that one challenge winner did get a boat load of free designer duds), most of the prizes are advertorials in Seventeen, extra frames at photo shoots, or Wal-Mart gift cards.
Exhibit C: The trip to Hawaii
Each season the final six girls head to a "fashion capital" to finish out the competition. Well, this year's fashion capital is Hawaii. Now, I've been a little suspect as to whether or not previous destinations constituted fashion capitals (Johannesburg, I am looking at you), but Tyra didn't even pretend Hawaii is a place for fashion. Sure, they shoot plenty of swimsuit catalogues and Victoria's Secret crap there, but flip flops and swimwear do not a fashion destination make.
Exhibit D: The discount contestants
It's almost like Tyra went with short girls because she couldn't afford full-sized ones this year.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Dear Under-Developed Beings with Rolley Briefcases...
You are the scourge of humanity. You take up an extra stair on the escalator. You cut people off and don't even f'ing notice--you're like people who suddenly gain tons of weight and then underestimate their radius of clearance. You practically take up the walking space of an entire second person...an entire second person that you've conveniently forgotten that you're dragging behind you.
One day I'm going to walk around with a red wagon purposely cutting off people with rolley briefcases and acting oblivious just to see if I can get one of them to express displeasure so that I can yell at them.
One day I'm going to walk around with a red wagon purposely cutting off people with rolley briefcases and acting oblivious just to see if I can get one of them to express displeasure so that I can yell at them.
Two Ugly Things Happened at the Cal Game
One, of course, being bitchface.
The second, in case you missed it (and I'm not particularly advocating you watch it--it's pretty gnarly--but I just wanted to give you the option)...
Jahvid Best is a god on the football field, Cal will miss him desperately for the remainder of the season, and we two bitches wish him a speedy recovery.
The second, in case you missed it (and I'm not particularly advocating you watch it--it's pretty gnarly--but I just wanted to give you the option)...
Jahvid Best is a god on the football field, Cal will miss him desperately for the remainder of the season, and we two bitches wish him a speedy recovery.
Color Me Skeptical
Several friends have recently linked me to The Fun Theory, an initiative by Volkswagen that postulates that people will do things that are good for themselves and for the environment if those things are fun.
Here's an example, aimed at getting people to recycle glass bottles:
I have no problem with the theory--surely we'd all rather do something that's fun than not, but I have to question the net gain and sustainability of the project. First, how much energy and material is required to turn recycling bottles into an arcade game? Doesn't it at least diminish the return on recycled materials? Would it be cost prohibitive for cities to roll out? And, if cities did invest in fun theory solutions, would it maintain the same efficacy over time? I tend to doubt it. Surely part of the appeal must be a the novelty effect, which drops off severely over time.
The whole thing makes for amusing YouTube videos, but I think it's a long way off from actually perpetuating social good.
Here's an example, aimed at getting people to recycle glass bottles:
I have no problem with the theory--surely we'd all rather do something that's fun than not, but I have to question the net gain and sustainability of the project. First, how much energy and material is required to turn recycling bottles into an arcade game? Doesn't it at least diminish the return on recycled materials? Would it be cost prohibitive for cities to roll out? And, if cities did invest in fun theory solutions, would it maintain the same efficacy over time? I tend to doubt it. Surely part of the appeal must be a the novelty effect, which drops off severely over time.
The whole thing makes for amusing YouTube videos, but I think it's a long way off from actually perpetuating social good.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Pardon Me, But I Believe You Have a Case of Bitchface
So, a couple weeks ago, a friend of mine got incredibly drunk and hooked up with some chick none of us had ever seen before at one of the alumni Cal game viewings. Not being as drunk as he was at the time, I tried to stop him. "Look," I pleaded, "she's not very cute. You're being fooled because you're very drunk, she's acting like she's attractive, and she's wearing tight clothes. In the morning, you're going to find that she's a couple sizes too big for those clothes and she has an ugly face." In the morning, he found that I was right.
Now, this girl is lame, and I guarantee you, you know someone like her. She is the kind of girl who wants very much to be perceived as cool, and so does a perpetual, over the top Regina George impression. She conspicuously gets up, walks around, makes a show of saying hello to multiple people, talks loudly... She's a trying too hard ho with bad skin and frizzy brown hair with a single streak of white highlight on the left side of her face and a real bad case of bitchface. Disgusting.
Well, she disappeared the following week, and we were all sort of hoping she was a collective bad dream...though the friend who hooked up with her knew differently, for she is also the type to purposely leave something behind in the hopes of getting a second date. Seriously, girl is gross.
But no no, she re-emerged the week after, got wicked drunk, kind of fell all over the place, and threw herself at the friend she'd hooked up with. Like not a little toss, full on threw herself to the point of getting jealous every time the friend talked to any of his female friends (myself included) and admonishing him for "paying attention to plain girls instead of her." Really, Ugly? Really?
Well, this week she was back (and the friend she hooked up with was not), and early on in the game, she made a loud announcement that she was tripping over things. Annoyed at her continued loud (and what I assumed was once again inebriated) behavior, I asked the two friends she'd made from our table if they could please stop bringing her. Next thing I know, I'm in the ladies room and the following conversation ensues (reconstructed to the best of my ability)...
Bitchface: I think we need a minute.
Me: I really don't think we do.
BF: Well, you said something kind of aggressive to my friends.
Me: I mean, I don't like you. I don't think we need a minute to discuss that.
BF: OK, but you don't even know me.
Me: Well, no, not well, but I still find you really annoying. And you were acting a drunk 'n bitchy fool last time I saw you.
BF: I wasn't drunk. Who are you to say when I'm drunk?
Me: OK, well, in that case you were acting like an idiot sober. Doesn't make it better.
BF: OK, I guess our personalities might clash, but I graduated before you, which means I have more right to alumni events than you do [eds note: this is your argument? really? I don't even know when she graduated or why I've never seen her at events pre-the bad idea hook up if that's the case, but she knows like maybe 5 people] so don't tell someone who's not even an alum and someone who graduated after me not to bring me places.
Me: I'm pretty sure I'll tell anyone anything I want, but thanks.
BF: Ok, well, you enjoy the game in your little Converse.
Me: Thanks, you enjoy it with your bad skin and your frizzy hair and your ugly highlight.
Now here's my question: Who the fuck has a problem with Converse?
Now, this girl is lame, and I guarantee you, you know someone like her. She is the kind of girl who wants very much to be perceived as cool, and so does a perpetual, over the top Regina George impression. She conspicuously gets up, walks around, makes a show of saying hello to multiple people, talks loudly... She's a trying too hard ho with bad skin and frizzy brown hair with a single streak of white highlight on the left side of her face and a real bad case of bitchface. Disgusting.
Well, she disappeared the following week, and we were all sort of hoping she was a collective bad dream...though the friend who hooked up with her knew differently, for she is also the type to purposely leave something behind in the hopes of getting a second date. Seriously, girl is gross.
But no no, she re-emerged the week after, got wicked drunk, kind of fell all over the place, and threw herself at the friend she'd hooked up with. Like not a little toss, full on threw herself to the point of getting jealous every time the friend talked to any of his female friends (myself included) and admonishing him for "paying attention to plain girls instead of her." Really, Ugly? Really?
Well, this week she was back (and the friend she hooked up with was not), and early on in the game, she made a loud announcement that she was tripping over things. Annoyed at her continued loud (and what I assumed was once again inebriated) behavior, I asked the two friends she'd made from our table if they could please stop bringing her. Next thing I know, I'm in the ladies room and the following conversation ensues (reconstructed to the best of my ability)...
Bitchface: I think we need a minute.
Me: I really don't think we do.
BF: Well, you said something kind of aggressive to my friends.
Me: I mean, I don't like you. I don't think we need a minute to discuss that.
BF: OK, but you don't even know me.
Me: Well, no, not well, but I still find you really annoying. And you were acting a drunk 'n bitchy fool last time I saw you.
BF: I wasn't drunk. Who are you to say when I'm drunk?
Me: OK, well, in that case you were acting like an idiot sober. Doesn't make it better.
BF: OK, I guess our personalities might clash, but I graduated before you, which means I have more right to alumni events than you do [eds note: this is your argument? really? I don't even know when she graduated or why I've never seen her at events pre-the bad idea hook up if that's the case, but she knows like maybe 5 people] so don't tell someone who's not even an alum and someone who graduated after me not to bring me places.
Me: I'm pretty sure I'll tell anyone anything I want, but thanks.
BF: Ok, well, you enjoy the game in your little Converse.
Me: Thanks, you enjoy it with your bad skin and your frizzy hair and your ugly highlight.
Now here's my question: Who the fuck has a problem with Converse?
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Top Chef All Stars Dinner...Eye Roll
As our readers well know, at 2B1B we consider ourselves foodies and true television lovers, so Top Chef is a natural fit for us. But I truly resent clips shows and reunions. I thought maybe the Top Chef All Star Dinner would be different...but really just no.
It's like what Joan Cusack says of her high school reunion in Grosse Pointe Blank: "It's just as if everyone had swelled." And Casey, you're very sweet and very hot, but why does your hair color just never ever look good?
I guess it's interesting to see that Marcel is still a little bitch and that lovably cantankerous Stefan is going to tell him where to shove it, but Bravo, on the off chance that you're listening, none of us really care, we mostly just want to have dinner ourselves with Fabio and the cast of season 3.
It's like what Joan Cusack says of her high school reunion in Grosse Pointe Blank: "It's just as if everyone had swelled." And Casey, you're very sweet and very hot, but why does your hair color just never ever look good?
I guess it's interesting to see that Marcel is still a little bitch and that lovably cantankerous Stefan is going to tell him where to shove it, but Bravo, on the off chance that you're listening, none of us really care, we mostly just want to have dinner ourselves with Fabio and the cast of season 3.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
I Think You're Being Overcharged...
Back in September, Tami made a really good point about the voice over on one of our mutual favorite shows, How I Met Your Mother.
Watching Gossip Girl, another question on the same subject occurs to me: what's with the famous folks voicing unseen roles? Besides being unrealistic, pretending that Josh Radnor is going to suddenly sound like Bob Saget in the next twenty years just seems like bad business--why pay two actors when you could pay one?
And what the hell is Kristen Bell doing as the voice of Gossip Girl? I guess she has a distinctive voice...sorta...kinda, but she's also damn hot and riding some Forgetting Sarah Marshall fame (and how could we possibly forget Veronica Mars?!) You're telling me there's not one slightly pudgey, eh looking current-waitress-wannabe-actress chick in all of Hollywood with a decent voice who would gleefully perform that role for a tenth of the price and, at the producers' request--nay, demand--pretend to be a press hating recluse? There is a recession, people!
Hell, I'd do it. XOXO.
Watching Gossip Girl, another question on the same subject occurs to me: what's with the famous folks voicing unseen roles? Besides being unrealistic, pretending that Josh Radnor is going to suddenly sound like Bob Saget in the next twenty years just seems like bad business--why pay two actors when you could pay one?
And what the hell is Kristen Bell doing as the voice of Gossip Girl? I guess she has a distinctive voice...sorta...kinda, but she's also damn hot and riding some Forgetting Sarah Marshall fame (and how could we possibly forget Veronica Mars?!) You're telling me there's not one slightly pudgey, eh looking current-waitress-wannabe-actress chick in all of Hollywood with a decent voice who would gleefully perform that role for a tenth of the price and, at the producers' request--nay, demand--pretend to be a press hating recluse? There is a recession, people!
Hell, I'd do it. XOXO.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Someone had to do it...
I've complained with many friends about family members on Facebook. Some of my friends are now in the older sibling role, where you're raining on all of the irresponsible pseudo-public personal information fun. I myself have been subjected to my mother and my aunts joining Facebook.
My mother feels my Facebook profile hurts my chances for sustained employment because I'm openly a liberal and an atheist, privacy settings, non-discrimination laws, and a vastly different culture outside of the southeast aside.
My aunt believes that, because I update my status with when I'm going to be out of town, there is a very elaborate burglar out there who will Facebook friend me, some how find my address, wait for me to go out of town, hide outside my apartment building until someone leaves the front door open a crack, and then jimmy the lock on my apartment door with a credit card and/or screw driver. Frankly, I'd be flattered at the effort.
Tami and I have commiserated about late comers to the Facebook movement constantly updating their status, commenting on everything I do, and continuously inviting me to accept some flower, small animal or even their hearts [eye roll].
Some geniuses out there started compiling the annoying ridiculousness that parents perpetuate on Facebook in the STFU, Marrieds and Believers style, and we love them!
My mother feels my Facebook profile hurts my chances for sustained employment because I'm openly a liberal and an atheist, privacy settings, non-discrimination laws, and a vastly different culture outside of the southeast aside.
My aunt believes that, because I update my status with when I'm going to be out of town, there is a very elaborate burglar out there who will Facebook friend me, some how find my address, wait for me to go out of town, hide outside my apartment building until someone leaves the front door open a crack, and then jimmy the lock on my apartment door with a credit card and/or screw driver. Frankly, I'd be flattered at the effort.
Tami and I have commiserated about late comers to the Facebook movement constantly updating their status, commenting on everything I do, and continuously inviting me to accept some flower, small animal or even their hearts [eye roll].
Some geniuses out there started compiling the annoying ridiculousness that parents perpetuate on Facebook in the STFU, Marrieds and Believers style, and we love them!
My New Favorite Band
My dear friends PD and AH pointed me towards this video about how awful pregnant women are, which I just so thoroughly agree with.
Then I started browsing the Garfunkel and Oates channel and found that they're comedy goddesses among women (and the blonde one is super hot.) "Me, You and Steve" is a relatable one for the single gals out there (and LR and LH's fave), but I personally really like this one:
Then I started browsing the Garfunkel and Oates channel and found that they're comedy goddesses among women (and the blonde one is super hot.) "Me, You and Steve" is a relatable one for the single gals out there (and LR and LH's fave), but I personally really like this one:
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