Showing posts with label Fashion police. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fashion police. Show all posts
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Thursday, November 12, 2009
DC, We Need to Talk...
About your terrible fashion sense! Winter is upon us and generally one would think that folks would cover up against the cold. Apparently not.
I've been a fan of tights, particularly instead of leggings. They're difficult to confuse with pants (but just in case you wondered, NOT PANTS. Neither leggings nor tights are pants. It's very important that we all recognize this.) And, unlike leggings, they don't cut off height and make short gals (like myself) look shorter.
But the lycra abusers of this city can get all kinds of things wrong. Another thing leggings and tights don't do: make your skirt an appropriate length. Now I'll admit, tights can push that skirt that's on the border of being work appropriate or not over the edge if they're in the same color family and that color is muted, but if your ass is about to peek out of the bottom of your skirt, it doesn't make it ok if it's "covered" with tights. All of the following pictures were taken in the middle of a work day.
Besides having a whole lot of property with a very little real estate on top of it (that's my way of saying "fat ass in a little skirt"), this woman on a cold, windy, rainy day, has chosen to cover her legs with nothing but thin, brightly colored, ugly patterned tights. Patterned tights can be cute, but they can also go very very wrong. They tend to be better on darker colors and thicker tights. Tami once witnessed the most unfortunate patterned tights of all--skin toned pattern tights. Looks. Like. Leg fungus. Long story short, if in the slightest bit of doubt, just say no to patterned tights.
The pattern below is, at least, kind of amusing. I would argue that it's too loud to be work appropriate, and that skirt is unquestionably too short. And last but not least, while I have woken up late for work and thrown on layers of black and gray until I was convinced that there was enough pseudo-matching that it came back around on the other side of fine looking (like how communism becomes sort of like fascism if you go far enough left even though fascism is far right. What, that didn't clarify the theory?) But I'm pretty sure this gal got up, put herself together, and thought she was looking fab. Well honey, you're fat, sparkling and not matching. Also, we don't include faces on this blog, but she had some truly heinous highlights.
And, well, as long as we're taking pictures of people, TWINS!! Maybe shopping with our friends isn't a good idea. [Shrug]
I've been a fan of tights, particularly instead of leggings. They're difficult to confuse with pants (but just in case you wondered, NOT PANTS. Neither leggings nor tights are pants. It's very important that we all recognize this.) And, unlike leggings, they don't cut off height and make short gals (like myself) look shorter.
But the lycra abusers of this city can get all kinds of things wrong. Another thing leggings and tights don't do: make your skirt an appropriate length. Now I'll admit, tights can push that skirt that's on the border of being work appropriate or not over the edge if they're in the same color family and that color is muted, but if your ass is about to peek out of the bottom of your skirt, it doesn't make it ok if it's "covered" with tights. All of the following pictures were taken in the middle of a work day.
Besides having a whole lot of property with a very little real estate on top of it (that's my way of saying "fat ass in a little skirt"), this woman on a cold, windy, rainy day, has chosen to cover her legs with nothing but thin, brightly colored, ugly patterned tights. Patterned tights can be cute, but they can also go very very wrong. They tend to be better on darker colors and thicker tights. Tami once witnessed the most unfortunate patterned tights of all--skin toned pattern tights. Looks. Like. Leg fungus. Long story short, if in the slightest bit of doubt, just say no to patterned tights.
The pattern below is, at least, kind of amusing. I would argue that it's too loud to be work appropriate, and that skirt is unquestionably too short. And last but not least, while I have woken up late for work and thrown on layers of black and gray until I was convinced that there was enough pseudo-matching that it came back around on the other side of fine looking (like how communism becomes sort of like fascism if you go far enough left even though fascism is far right. What, that didn't clarify the theory?) But I'm pretty sure this gal got up, put herself together, and thought she was looking fab. Well honey, you're fat, sparkling and not matching. Also, we don't include faces on this blog, but she had some truly heinous highlights.
And, well, as long as we're taking pictures of people, TWINS!! Maybe shopping with our friends isn't a good idea. [Shrug]
Monday, October 26, 2009
Oh Internet, How I Love You
As is often a favorite topic of conversation, friends and I were discussing my 38 year old brother's 22 year old girlfriend. We went on an amusing journey through her unprotected Facebook photos and stumbled upon fugly internet gold. Please enjoy.
me: her friend designs ugly ass clothes, wow
Wen: i'm so glad i left the south
me: f'ing tell me about it. look at these ugly ass clothes http://www.facebook.com/search/?q=Devan+Logan&init=quick#/photo.php?pid=79795&id=100000227014223
Wen: ok gross. why did you show me that
me: because it's like a car wreck...can't look away and want to point it out to others
Wen: it wasn't a joke. i thought it was, but it's a real advertisement for someone's design. And it looks like they used a camera phone to take the shot
me: right?!
Wen: it looks like a ten year old's art project
me: I know!
Wen: it looks like a picture someone would display in a picture frame made out of Popsicle sticks
me: hahaha
me: Oh, wait wait...yes! http://copelanddesigns.com/
Wen: they look like costumes
me: http://www.myspace.com/copeland_designs
Wen: OH DEAR GOD
me: oh god, it's just so good. I hate to admit this, but Devan dresses well; there's no way she likes this shit
Wen: how can anyone?? i know hippies who might, but they pull it off better
me: what are you talking about, I love brightly colored taffeta on fat girls
Wen: i'm gonna wrap this tulle around me and tie the ends in a ribbon that mounts on my head!
me: fashion!
Wen: birthday cake chic
me: her friend designs ugly ass clothes, wow
Wen: i'm so glad i left the south
me: f'ing tell me about it. look at these ugly ass clothes http://www.facebook.com/search/?q=Devan+Logan&init=quick#/photo.php?pid=79795&id=100000227014223
Wen: ok gross. why did you show me that
me: because it's like a car wreck...can't look away and want to point it out to others
Wen: it wasn't a joke. i thought it was, but it's a real advertisement for someone's design. And it looks like they used a camera phone to take the shot
me: right?!
Wen: it looks like a ten year old's art project
me: I know!
Wen: it looks like a picture someone would display in a picture frame made out of Popsicle sticks
me: hahaha
me: Oh, wait wait...yes! http://copelanddesigns.com/
Wen: they look like costumes
me: http://www.myspace.com/copeland_designs
Wen: OH DEAR GOD
me: oh god, it's just so good. I hate to admit this, but Devan dresses well; there's no way she likes this shit
Wen: how can anyone?? i know hippies who might, but they pull it off better
me: what are you talking about, I love brightly colored taffeta on fat girls
Wen: i'm gonna wrap this tulle around me and tie the ends in a ribbon that mounts on my head!
me: fashion!
Wen: birthday cake chic
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
We're Turning 100
This here is our hundredth post. Tami and I thought long and hard about what it should be--something that encompassed the blog up to this point while speaking to the enormity of life, love and the universe...
Then, we came in contact with this gent, and we thought "fuck it."
Wish you'd all been there, both to witness his full George-Michael-wardrobe-meets-Flock-of-Seagulls-hair glory, and to see us trying to surreptitiously take a picture of him.
We really appreciate all of our readers, from our old friends with their sassy comments and topic suggestions to the new folks we've e-met. Here's a cheers to y'all, the start of Ugg season, and the next hundred posts, likely to feature many pictures of Ugg-abusers.
Thanks again to the fashion victims and our readers who love them,
Tami and Elle
Then, we came in contact with this gent, and we thought "fuck it."
Wish you'd all been there, both to witness his full George-Michael-wardrobe-meets-Flock-of-Seagulls-hair glory, and to see us trying to surreptitiously take a picture of him.
We really appreciate all of our readers, from our old friends with their sassy comments and topic suggestions to the new folks we've e-met. Here's a cheers to y'all, the start of Ugg season, and the next hundred posts, likely to feature many pictures of Ugg-abusers.
Thanks again to the fashion victims and our readers who love them,
Tami and Elle
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Spotted: DC Fashion Crimes - Butt Edition
The weather in DC is currently fabulous. Not too hot, not too cool and (thank fucking god) not too humid. As we draw towards the end of the recess (and seersucker season...seriously, not after Labor Day), it's a nice time to take a long lunch and an accompanying long walk before we all have to actually work again.
My co-worker and I took such a long walk to a long lunch today. On the way back, we first encountered this...
In case my blackberry isn't making this clear enough, that's ass cleavage. Hard core ass cleavage. And it's wrong. Shockingly, upsettingly, terribly wrong. It's also accompanied by grey fashion-victim-trying-to-wear-as-many-second-hand-designer-labels-at-once Uggs. It's still summer. Cooler temps or not, it's not time for Uggs. (I leave it open to debate whether there's ever a time for Uggs.)
Next, as if our eyes had not been assaulted enough, we were greeted with this...
Those, my friends, are purple leggings, worn as pants, with darker purple flowers on them. I know. Trust me, I know. Now, leggings as pants is controversial to me. I worship the Fug Girls and respect their opinion that "LEGGINGS ARE NOT PANTS!!" and I once had two beers (not one, two) poured over me in a bit of a bar fight because I told a size 8 that her thighs look huge when she wears leggings as pants. (That bitch cut the bathroom line at a crowded bar, you can't blame me.) On the other hand, having spent my undergrad education in California, I'm forced to admit that I believe that a very few people can pull of leggings as pants (WX, I'm looking at you) and perhaps worse still, I have to say that I think Lindsay Lohan looks alright in them (I know, I know, credibility gone).
BUT most people, myself included, look like they have huge thighs when they wear leggings as pants. And NO ONE--I repeat NO ONE--looks good in light purple leggings with dark purple flowers on them. I defy you to disagree.
And I still hate DC.
My co-worker and I took such a long walk to a long lunch today. On the way back, we first encountered this...
In case my blackberry isn't making this clear enough, that's ass cleavage. Hard core ass cleavage. And it's wrong. Shockingly, upsettingly, terribly wrong. It's also accompanied by grey fashion-victim-trying-to-wear-as-many-second-hand-designer-labels-at-once Uggs. It's still summer. Cooler temps or not, it's not time for Uggs. (I leave it open to debate whether there's ever a time for Uggs.)Next, as if our eyes had not been assaulted enough, we were greeted with this...
Those, my friends, are purple leggings, worn as pants, with darker purple flowers on them. I know. Trust me, I know. Now, leggings as pants is controversial to me. I worship the Fug Girls and respect their opinion that "LEGGINGS ARE NOT PANTS!!" and I once had two beers (not one, two) poured over me in a bit of a bar fight because I told a size 8 that her thighs look huge when she wears leggings as pants. (That bitch cut the bathroom line at a crowded bar, you can't blame me.) On the other hand, having spent my undergrad education in California, I'm forced to admit that I believe that a very few people can pull of leggings as pants (WX, I'm looking at you) and perhaps worse still, I have to say that I think Lindsay Lohan looks alright in them (I know, I know, credibility gone).
BUT most people, myself included, look like they have huge thighs when they wear leggings as pants. And NO ONE--I repeat NO ONE--looks good in light purple leggings with dark purple flowers on them. I defy you to disagree.
And I still hate DC.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Spotted: DC Fashion Crime - The Usual Suspects, Part II
So I finally upgraded from my technologically retarded phone that was free with my wireless plan like 2 years ago and I now have my nice new Blackberry Curve. And it's a good thing I do, because it allows me to take pictures like this on the walk home...
I fear that you're not properly understanding what's going on here. Let's zoom in, shall we?
Those are f'ing zebra print platforms (circa 1994) with a seersucker suit.
I hate DC.
I fear that you're not properly understanding what's going on here. Let's zoom in, shall we?
Those are f'ing zebra print platforms (circa 1994) with a seersucker suit.I hate DC.
More Summer Fashion That Makes Me Go Bleeeghhh...
What the fuck is the point of a summer scarf? It's clearly hot. Hot enough that you don't want to cover your shoulders or arms. Why god why do you want to torture your neck?!
Spotted: DC Fashion Crime - The Usual Suspects
Since starting this little blog, my friends have turned into contributors in the form of cool hunters, fellow judgey bears and fashion police. More posts to come with more attributions, but a Friday morning short from SS's metro ride...
Apparently a "gentleman" got on at Dupont Circle, decked out in a full seersucker suit, sporting a Vineyard Vines/J. Crew type pink tie with, here's the kicker, yellow butterflies. Hey douchebag, it's seersucker Thursdays.
No, seriously, the seersucker thing needs to stop. Like it's one thing as a cute dress--my little and I both sported them this weekend, but boutique/Calvin Klein style--the kind with actual shape, not preppy gag me style. I get the seersucker shorts/skirt. But seersucker suits. To work. With complementary retarded tie. Unless you're impersonating Colonel Sanders or mocking Seersucker Thursday, retire it. I beg you. Or don't...because douchebags are easier to spot in uniform.
Apparently a "gentleman" got on at Dupont Circle, decked out in a full seersucker suit, sporting a Vineyard Vines/J. Crew type pink tie with, here's the kicker, yellow butterflies. Hey douchebag, it's seersucker Thursdays.
No, seriously, the seersucker thing needs to stop. Like it's one thing as a cute dress--my little and I both sported them this weekend, but boutique/Calvin Klein style--the kind with actual shape, not preppy gag me style. I get the seersucker shorts/skirt. But seersucker suits. To work. With complementary retarded tie. Unless you're impersonating Colonel Sanders or mocking Seersucker Thursday, retire it. I beg you. Or don't...because douchebags are easier to spot in uniform.
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