Monday, July 20, 2009

Stupid Names

I really don't understand how people come up with the names (and supposed corresponding pronunciation) for their children. No, this is not a post about kooky celebs who want to name their kids Apple or Kalel. This post is about the normal folks who perhaps think they are being clever or creative but instead put a big fat mark of "my parent is uneducated" on their kids foreheads.

Now, as a T-A-M-I Tami (as opposed to a T-A-M-M-Y Tammy), I think I have a right to cast judgment on those who get creative with spellings. Luckily, my parents didn't get too creative (e.g. Tammiey or some such hideous misuse of the alphabet), so I can cast judgment from a place of superiority :)

Let's discuss the whacked out names of the cast members on this season of Real World (yes, I still watch - so sue me). We have the normals - Derek, Joey, and an obligatory CJ (seriously, isn't this like the 18th CJ in the 22 season history of the show?!), and then we have the girl with the normal name and silly spelling: Emilee. That sort of phonetic stuff reminds me of when I was 4 or 5 and thought "my" was spelled M-I, because I hadn't learned about the magical letter Y yet. But, considering the relative normalcy of that, we can leave it alone.

Considering her age, I would assume Jasmine's mother was a big Aladdin fan. Seriously, rule number 1 of naming a girl - do NOT name her after a Disney princess. You might this is cute, but no - just no (for the record, I am not a fan of Ariels either).

Next we have Jonna. Now, you might think, hey, that name doesn't look so weird. But it is allegedly pronounced like John A. Rule number two of naming a girl - do NOT give her a name that isn't pronounced how it is spelled. We do not have accent marks in the English language, so you cannot make up accents because you feel like it makes your kid more exotic.

Next is Ayiia. Rule number three - any noise a small dog makes when it or its tail gets stepped on is not a suitable baby name.

Finally, we have Bronne. It is almost pronounced like Brawny - you know, the paper towels. Look, if you insist on giving your kid a stupid name that makes him sound like he is a super absorbent brand of paper towel, just go for broke and spell it correctly.

Unnecessary letters and "unique" spellings do not make your child seem more interesting, creative or special. And no one thinks you are famous because you insist upon a dumb naming convention. Just suck it up and buy a baby book - or be honestly creative (just check your spelling).


  1. As someone who was constantly called the name of a goofy, ugly, not-too-bright sailor my entire childhood (and yes, even in my adult years by those who thinks it is absolutely hilarious and that I haven't heard it a zillion times already), I need to comment.

    Different names are great once you are older. They suck when you are young. It makes you easy to google. It also helps when there is at least one semi-famous person with your same name -- even actors on sci-fi series can count (X-Files). It also helps when people are taught that there are, in fact, two ways to pronounce letters -- the hard, like "grape", AND the soft, like "giraffe".

    My parents did a pretty good job with my name, and I am thankful for it. It isn't made up either -- it is actually a traditional Scotch-Irish name. Unfortunately, we have lots of special parents in this world who name kids ridiculously -- my friend who is a nurse said she once cared for a newborn in the hospital named "La-A", pronounced "La-dash-a"...seriously?!?!?! Poor kid.

    And honestly, I love almost all the crazy nicknames people have come up for me, with ONE exception: my name is NOT Gill. That is the hard "g" that is not part of my name. Nor is my name Jill. There is no J in my name. "G", "Gilly", whatever is fine but please remember the soft "g".

    Thanks for the inspiration to rant :)

  2. Love it. I'm going to name my child 'Arf,' spelled Rph ;)

  3. Favorite names so far (all real):

    Abc (pronounced "a BEE see")
    La-a (pronounced "la DASH a")
    Sonofalivinggod (pronounced "Son of a living god" just really fast)

    Doctors should really have veto powers over some names.

  4. just saw this on a trial memo "Candayce" yet she pronounces it as "Can-dis"

  5. I am LOVING the examples. Please, keep them coming, folks.

  6. Kishia - pronounced "Keisha"

    I'll have to think of some other ones -- La-A takes the cake for me so far :)