Friday, July 17, 2009

Pay Close Attention, There Will Be a Test

My new favorite thing in life is people who list He's Just Not That Into You among their favorite books and are still in patently terrible relationships.

On an almost weekly basis a friend or acquaintance relates a barely believable tale of dating trespasses to me, and then asks me what (for the most part) she should do about it. My answer is always a) tell him that was fucked up and/or b) dump him.

A guy who likes you doesn't do mean stuff. That's not to say they don't make mistakes, but they don't consciously do things to hurt you. And in particular, if something is happening repeatedly, he either doesn't know it's mean (tell him) or doesn't care (dump him.)

So, having dispensed this sage advice a good 300 times over the past year or so, I've occassionally thought to myself "I should write a book." And then I remember, there already is one that, in concept (I've never read it) addresses this very topic. Thus, a plan was born: a new edition of HJNTIY with a reading comprehension test in the back. Genius!

My favorite example of this girl is my (37-year-old) brother's (22-year-old) girlfriend. She has a high school education, is unemployed, and lives with my brothers (who, yes, in their late 30's, live together.) Her entire Facebook profile (which has no privacy protection and is endlessly entertaining) is about how much she loves my brother, the purses he buys for her, and church, which he makes her attend.

Not too terribly long ago, she thought he was cheating on her because he inappropriately texts his ex-girlfriends, so she flipped out, keyed his car, told his job that he cheats on his expense reports and, for reasons passing my understanding, called my parents and told them all sorts of horrible lies about me. Crazy? Absolutely. But she was like 20. We were all dumb when we were 20. Not that dumb, but dumb. But should she damn well have left his ass? You betcha, because you don't stick with a guy whose exes are still talking sexy to him. Nope, got back together a week later.

For several months (in venues as public as Facebook) she's been saying she expects a ring on their 2 year anniversary in August. He says he can't afford one right now. Favorite Books: The Bible, Captivating, The Greatest Miracle in the World, Don't be That Girl, and of course He's Just Not That Into You.


  1. "Her entire Facebook profile (which has no privacy protection and is endlessly entertaining)..."

    And you provide no link? Have you no shame?

  2. elle: you need a fact checker

    and pryce youre so right! i was hoping for a link too!! although i've been lucky enough to have seen this poor confused girl's fb profile, i think everyone else deserves to be privy to it as well!

  3. ps i will fact check for you and blow your book idea out of the water:

    go to contents, choose chapter 2 and then go to pg. 35


  4. Well then there's just no excuse. I'm horrified.

    And I'm worried that if I provide a link, one of you little miscreants will tell her that I'm publicly mocking her. If the whole internet swears not to message her, I'll embed a link.

  5. good luck with that one

    let's see how long it takes before you get

    1)a package in the mail with a crucifix in it with an attached note saying that she's "praying for your soul"


    2) since you don't have a car, your window broken