Wednesday, August 12, 2009

When Friends Break Up

Obviously, as we grow up and move on in life, we inevitably drift apart from friends. That is not what this post is about. This is about those friends that are so passive aggressive and immature that they actually break up with you.

When I was a junior in college, I was friends with a girl named Rene (changed to protect her privacy - but know the sound of the name is similar). We hung out a ton during the first I would say semester and a half of my junior (her sophomore) year. Towards the end of the year, we started hanging out less. Now, this was partially my fault. I was getting more serious with my then boyfriend now fiance, and I had recently turned 21. I was all about watching TV with him or hitting up the bars. When she and I hung out we would do 1 of 2 things:

1) Take long walks all through Berkeley
2) "Pretend we weren't in college" (i.e. go to dinner/lunch/brunch at expensive restaurants)

She was not into staying in to watch television or trying to hang out at the bars (and she was not 21). So, we spent less time together. But, I knew she was taking this dance class and would have a recital towards the end of the year. I called her a couple times to find out when and where the recital was - she never called back. Finally, I sent her an email and received this as a response (not verbatim, but roughly what I remember):

Hi Tami,

As far as I am concerned, we aren't really friends anymore and haven't been for some time. If you would like to talk about this, give me a call.


The first line is more or less verbatim - the other part is fuzzy. Well, I did try to meet up with her to discuss this - I found it absurd. After a few failed attempts to connect, I received a letter with no return address. I have forgotten most of the contents except the sentiment: "I cannot deal with your boyfriend situation." Now, for all the losers I dated, my fiance is a stand up guy. My friends from all walks of life really like him (including my co-bitch blogger Elle). Well, Rene and I have not spoken to this day - and she isn't even a Facebook friend.

Recently, a good friend of mine had some difficulty with a friend of hers. They were so close in fact that they were married to one another on Facebook. While there was no official termination of the friendship email or letter, my friend's "wife" divorced her on Facebook - without a word to her. My friend joked that others told her she was married to no one, and that is how she found out.

In our 20s, aren't we old enough to sort these things out? Do we really need to dump our friends? Yes, people change. Yes, people grow apart. But, if you love someone enough to let the entire world of Facebook know that you're married, isn't it worth trying to make it work? Or, isn't the other person at least due the respect of some kind of divorce paper?

Have any stories about getting dumped by a friend? Feel like naming names? Comment!

1 comment:

  1. Here's my question: is this an exclusively female thing? Because I kind of think it might be. Has there ever been a guy-on-guy friend divorce?