Threat Levels: Defined

Those readers out there who are privileged enough to also be on my gchat list know that, depending on my level of stress, I often update my status with my "threat level." Much like Department of Homeland Security warnings, my threat levels describe how dangerous I might be at any given moment...as defined by pop culture references, many supplied by my lovely friends when I inevitably pose the question "what's above X?"

So, the official threat levels (this is gonna be a thing, pass it on.)

1. Taylor Swift - Super nice. I never use this one.
2. Elle Woods - Just ambitious and lusting after jewelry.
3. Britney Spears - Just whiny and self-destructive.
4. Lindsay Lohan - Whiny, self-destructive and litigious.
5. Real Housewife of Orange County - Bitchy and a little backstabbing.
6. Amanda Woodward - Bitchy, short-tempered and outright backstabbing. (I love new Melrose.)
7. Real Housewife of Atlanta - Bitchy, backstabbing and of course, hair pulling.
8. Shannen Doherty - Will punch you in the face.
9. Carrie - Will kill an entire gym full of people.
10. Naomi Campbell - Will kill an entire gym full of people while humiliating them.