Another Brilliant Tumblr

I was once a cat owner. I lost her in my "divorce." (And I gave her my super rad cat name that I'd been saving until I was an adult and had a pet and my mother couldn't be like "that's so mean, why don't you name her after a season or something." Actually, my mother did say that, but I named the cat Trouble anyway, because they're mischievous and there's nothing you can do about it. And now my ex-wife has my awesome pet name for all eternity and I write little plays in my diary about a weird cat custody scenario where I'm the total dad in the situation and I'm like "Look, it's not that I don't love you, it's that your mother's an unhinged bitch, and noooow she's asking me to pay child support, can you believe that? Oh, sport, you know I'd love to have you come stay with me, but I'm in the one bedroom now, ya know, and work's keeping me really late. As soon as I get a bigger place and another promotion, I promise." Ok, I don't have a diary, but I just made that up for you all right here and now.)

Tami continues to be a cat owner because her marriage is more stable than mine was (because no one in the scenario is batshit insane), so I am now a cat aunt. Anyways, anyone who has ever had a cat and a sexual relationship at the same time knows to shut the door or suffer the fate documented on Cats Watching You Have Sex, which I am honoring as the 2B1B Tumblr blog of the week (a semi-recurring award).

Spring has Sprung!

No, I'm not just talking about the drastically improved weather. It's March Madness, which Cal is in for the first time in, like, forever. And yet, that's still not what's really important. What's really important is that Fug Madness is happening over at Go Fug Yourself. Vote early, vote often.

I Hate Hipsters

But I love this

And this

New Thing We Love: @verymarykate

I haven't see the Olsen twins in a hot minute, but much like their coked out, bleached blond, too thin counterpart Brittany Murphy, I assume someone would let me know if they died (so that we could all defile their Wikipedia profiles without the restrictive Biographies of Living Persons rules.)

Since they're supposedly still alive, our new web crush over at verymarykate.com has settled for portraying them on Vimeo...

Very Mary-Kate, Episode 1 from Mary-Kate Olsen on Vimeo.

Current catchphrase nominee: "Grown up Oxycontin tastes like chalk."

People Ask Me Stupid Questions

Some of them are grammar and/or spelling related. Some of them are how to perform simple computer tasks, like sorting Excel spreadsheets. Some are ever so slightly more complicated technical tasks that are still well within Google's purview. After a recent annoyance, my boyfriend sent me this little gem.

Needless to say, Let Me Google That For You has replaced Kanye This in my heart.

Too Cute to Keep to Myself

I've been slipping on leaves all week (in flip flops, because when it gets unseasonably warm like this, it's wrong not to revert to one's California ways.) But Christopher Neimann did the perfect welcome-to-fall treatment. Almost makes me love the leaves on the ground (and I definitely love the approaching holidays.) This one just happens to be my favorite, but check out the full post--there are several gems. Happy fall, everyone.

Someone had to do it...

I've complained with many friends about family members on Facebook. Some of my friends are now in the older sibling role, where you're raining on all of the irresponsible pseudo-public personal information fun. I myself have been subjected to my mother and my aunts joining Facebook.

My mother feels my Facebook profile hurts my chances for sustained employment because I'm openly a liberal and an atheist, privacy settings, non-discrimination laws, and a vastly different culture outside of the southeast aside.

My aunt believes that, because I update my status with when I'm going to be out of town, there is a very elaborate burglar out there who will Facebook friend me, some how find my address, wait for me to go out of town, hide outside my apartment building until someone leaves the front door open a crack, and then jimmy the lock on my apartment door with a credit card and/or screw driver. Frankly, I'd be flattered at the effort.

Tami and I have commiserated about late comers to the Facebook movement constantly updating their status, commenting on everything I do, and continuously inviting me to accept some flower, small animal or even their hearts [eye roll].

Some geniuses out there started compiling the annoying ridiculousness that parents perpetuate on Facebook in the STFU, Marrieds and Believers style, and we love them!

My New Favorite Band

My dear friends PD and AH pointed me towards this video about how awful pregnant women are, which I just so thoroughly agree with.

Then I started browsing the Garfunkel and Oates channel and found that they're comedy goddesses among women (and the blonde one is super hot.) "Me, You and Steve" is a relatable one for the single gals out there (and LR and LH's fave), but I personally really like this one:

This Party Took a Turn for the Douche by Garfunkel and Oates - watch more funny videos

Oh Internet, How I Love You

As is often a favorite topic of conversation, friends and I were discussing my 38 year old brother's 22 year old girlfriend. We went on an amusing journey through her unprotected Facebook photos and stumbled upon fugly internet gold. Please enjoy.

me: her friend designs ugly ass clothes, wow
Wen: i'm so glad i left the south
me: f'ing tell me about it. look at these ugly ass clothes http://www.facebook.com/search/?q=Devan+Logan&init=quick#/photo.php?pid=79795&id=100000227014223
Wen: ok gross. why did you show me that
me: because it's like a car wreck...can't look away and want to point it out to others
Wen: it wasn't a joke. i thought it was, but it's a real advertisement for someone's design. And it looks like they used a camera phone to take the shot
me: right?!
Wen: it looks like a ten year old's art project
me: I know!
Wen: it looks like a picture someone would display in a picture frame made out of Popsicle sticks
me: hahaha
me: Oh, wait wait...yes! http://copelanddesigns.com/
Wen: they look like costumes
me: http://www.myspace.com/copeland_designs
Wen: OH DEAR GOD
me: oh god, it's just so good. I hate to admit this, but Devan dresses well; there's no way she likes this shit
Wen: how can anyone?? i know hippies who might, but they pull it off better
me: what are you talking about, I love brightly colored taffeta on fat girls
Wen: i'm gonna wrap this tulle around me and tie the ends in a ribbon that mounts on my head!
me: fashion!
Wen: birthday cake chic

Hey, I Know Those Asses!

So I have two friends who dress up as donkeys to attend Nationals games. They routinely get attention - but this is big time. You should be proud, boys. I know lots of people who would kill for a placement in the Post (and it appeared in print too).

It's Hard Out There for A Cal Fan

I know quite a few Cal fans read this blog, but I am willing to hazard a guess that most of Elle's friends were not around for the dreaded Holmoe years. I learned as a wee freshman that being a Cal fan is rife with disappointment and heartbreak.

But, after the most abysmal year (our 1-10 season where our only victory was a post-season game with Rutgers that had to be rescheduled because of 9/11) I think in Cal's history (but, if I am wrong, I am sure someone will straighten me out - I don't want to do the Google search, deal with it), we were given a gift in the form of Jeff Tedford. He has been deified by all Cal fans - including Elle - and with good reason. He brought Cal football back from the brink.

But, it is still Cal football. And that means there will always be disappointment. The Bears can snatch defeat from the jaws of victory - I have seen it with my own eyes many times. For all you Cal fans that read what us bitches think, I wanted to share this piece that a friend of mine found in the Wall Street Journal. I think it summarizes the Cal fan experience quite nicely. Thanks GM!

Make no mistake, I will never lose faith in my Bears. And, I hope to see them play in the Rose Bowl sometime soon (and I hope I can afford the tickets when they finally do). Sadly, I also will never be surprised when another promising season doesn't turn out as I hoped.

I Know Someone Who's Getting One of These...

This one is one of my favorites--and so thoroughly useful!--but there are several gems over on Etsy. Give them to someone you love to hate.

What Someone Else Thinks Is Wrong with Tyra Banks

The good news for Tyra Banks: she was in Ad Age.

The bad news for Tyra Banks: the article is completely accurate.

Thanks MHS!

Internet Discovery

Okay, how have I not seen this before now. Thanks MR!

More Awkward Photos!

We've shown you sexy people, awkward families, and now engagement photos. Thanks KZ!

No Comment

The Snuggie Sutra.

You Know You Want One

Thanks, Joel McHale: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-IrlhLF1c3k&feature=related

America's Obsession with Cat Photos

I admit it, I check out the lol cats with a fair amount of frequency. I am not sure what it is, but those random photos with pidgin English captions are addictive. However, nothing is more amusing than the idea that someone looked at their cat one day and thought, "Is my cat the reincarnation of the fuhrer?"

Although, to be fair, if I adopted this, I might have the same thought.

Awesome Link

So whenever I go home, my mom insists on getting pictures. There are tons of shots of the family in the airport saying goodbye to grandpa (in the days where you could accompany someone to the gate, that is), a million shots in front of the house, and far too many at restaurants. I pray that none of said photos ever appear here.

Just to Prove We're Not Feminists...

OK, I actually consider myself a feminist (and don't totally understand why the term gets such a bad rep, but that's a topic for another post...in which I explain that I'm a post-third wave sex-positive feminist and scare off everyone who reads this blog. Except maybe not because I said sex. Anyways.) But I thought this bit from Maxim (thx MD) was pretty funny...and I've often observed it to be true...on other people...not on me of course.

Actually, if I do a thorough self-analysis (in 2 minutes time), I find that I argue "like a man" with my girlfriends who argue "like chicks." (Don't get too ready to masturbate gents, it almost never ends with sex.) And I think I argue "like a man" on the rare occasion that boyfriend and I disagree, and he too is lovely and rational and argues "like a man." (This may be wishful thinking on my part...after all, who wants to admit that they fight like the irrational crazy one in a relationship? But I think we do pretty well.) I do have to admit though, in the past, I have argued like a chick. It was generally in bad relationships when the guy argued that way too. Both of us crying and screaming irrationally? Ugh, not pretty.

How do you argue?