I Love to Hate You

My continuing mantra: I don't blog about work, but suffice to say, it's been crazy busy lately...and also there's been a lot of crazy. To comfort myself, I turn to one of my all-time favorite hobbies: internet stalking people I hate.

What? It relaxes me.

Now, usually Facebook--aka stalker's paradise--is sufficient. I've mentioned, well, many times that I am a huge fan of not being a huge fan of my brother's significantly younger girlfriend. Her recent unprotected (heh) Facebook activity leads me to believe that perhaps she and my brother are not together any more, because she's moved out and neither of those dudes in her profile pic are dearest bro. Fascinating! Because I thought when you managed to survive law enforcement relationship counseling (that's my way of saying the cops were called over a domestic violence dispute while trying to deny my white trash family) you can survive anything. Ahhhh, Facebook. (Try commenting on one of her wall posts or pictures...pretty sure you totally can!)

But what about those nemeses that are actually college educated? Like the one whose Facebook profile you used to happily stalk because you were good enough frenemies to be Facebook friends back when she separated all of her interests with hearts and they included "Ralph Lauren slim fit polos in every color" and "my pink rhinestoned Blackberry." Stupid bitch had to grow up, realize that was unprofessional and get a job AT FACEBOOK where she learned all about privacy settings. So how come I can still see her "Best of Vegas" album?! Bitch, close your mouth...and wipe that shit off your face, no one needs that much makeup...and don't even get me started on the bronzer.

When Facebook fails you, never fear, there's plenty of fun on the internet at large. Who doesn't love a gal whose Twitter name is actually Libby's a Princess, even if her tweets are blocked? But that's not nearly enough. No no, for extra bad days there's the single most vapid thing you've ever read. Personal favorite entry: her Yelp of Southwest Airlines written as if she is Charlotte York. No, not kidding. And when you thought it just couldn't get any better, there's her bio for SF's semi-grown up sorority (so that none of us ever have to really grow up), Spinsters.

Now, one might ask, "what incident precipitated this hatred." Doesn't matter. The hatred doesn't need a reason, it's a reward all it's own. Join me. Internet stalk incredibly hatable people you don't even know. You know you want it. Doooooooo ittttttttttt.

UPDATE: In chatting with Tami this morning, I realized that I left out perhaps the best part of loving to hate dear ole Libby: she was Miss Stanislaus County 2005. No. Joke. Stanislaus: a small but important step above Fresno.

This Is Not a Small Mistake

Jon Stewart--whom I watch nightly--pointed out recently that Fox News has grossly exaggerated the attendance at a recent health care rally by using older footage of a better attended rally. Sean Hannity admitted that Stewart was right and apologized for the distortion...sort of...



Is it just me, or was that a little glib for someone who just tried to manipulate the political system by outright lying on what is supposed to be a news broadcast. He acts like Jon is picking on them for a production mistake. And while it may have been an inadvertent switch (I kind of doubt it) the effect of the footage was to drastically distort the truth of the story being reported. Given the implications there, I think the apology should have taken a tone that was closer to reverent and farther from snide.

Then again, I may just be carrying over some Republican rage from having recently watched this:



No wonder I left Georgia.

Oh Internet, How I Love You

As is often a favorite topic of conversation, friends and I were discussing my 38 year old brother's 22 year old girlfriend. We went on an amusing journey through her unprotected Facebook photos and stumbled upon fugly internet gold. Please enjoy.

me: her friend designs ugly ass clothes, wow
Wen: i'm so glad i left the south
me: f'ing tell me about it. look at these ugly ass clothes http://www.facebook.com/search/?q=Devan+Logan&init=quick#/photo.php?pid=79795&id=100000227014223
Wen: ok gross. why did you show me that
me: because it's like a car wreck...can't look away and want to point it out to others
Wen: it wasn't a joke. i thought it was, but it's a real advertisement for someone's design. And it looks like they used a camera phone to take the shot
me: right?!
Wen: it looks like a ten year old's art project
me: I know!
Wen: it looks like a picture someone would display in a picture frame made out of Popsicle sticks
me: hahaha
me: Oh, wait wait...yes! http://copelanddesigns.com/
Wen: they look like costumes
me: http://www.myspace.com/copeland_designs
Wen: OH DEAR GOD
me: oh god, it's just so good. I hate to admit this, but Devan dresses well; there's no way she likes this shit
Wen: how can anyone?? i know hippies who might, but they pull it off better
me: what are you talking about, I love brightly colored taffeta on fat girls
Wen: i'm gonna wrap this tulle around me and tie the ends in a ribbon that mounts on my head!
me: fashion!
Wen: birthday cake chic

I'm Feeling Morally Ambivalent

I hate children. Many of you may know this. I don't really think they're people, they scare the shit out of me, and in general I resent having them in the same places that I am. If anyone has venture capital in this economy, I'd like to start a chain of restaurants, hotels, airlines, etc. that are over 21 only.

That being the case, I've been known to bitch loudly when a child is making noise in what I would consider "grown up space." This is everything from the metro at rush hour to restaurants to nice stores. I just think that really you shouldn't be bringing your kid there. Make alternate arrangements. Watch the Sex and the City episode entitled "A Woman's Right to Shoes." Having kids is your choice...just don't force your bad decision on me.

That being said, I try pretty hard not to hit children--particularly other people's children. And so far I've succeeded. Somehow even the little devil on my shoulder thinks that seems wrong. But alas, not this gent from near where I grew up. I have some sympathy for him--crying kids and the parents who do nothing about it are fucking annoying. On the other hand, he looks like the meanest man ever. And it might be kind of wrong.