New Thing We Love: @verymarykate

I haven't see the Olsen twins in a hot minute, but much like their coked out, bleached blond, too thin counterpart Brittany Murphy, I assume someone would let me know if they died (so that we could all defile their Wikipedia profiles without the restrictive Biographies of Living Persons rules.)

Since they're supposedly still alive, our new web crush over at verymarykate.com has settled for portraying them on Vimeo...

Very Mary-Kate, Episode 1 from Mary-Kate Olsen on Vimeo.

Current catchphrase nominee: "Grown up Oxycontin tastes like chalk."

Am I the Only Feminist Who Doesn't Have a Problem with This?

UPDATE: Upon learning of this from AH, I officially reverse my position. Pull the damn thing. Or open up the ad space to everyone, though AH also makes a good point about the public health implications of this specific ad (see comments.)

ORIGINAL: I...just don't have a problem with this. I'm a self-identified feminist and I'm pretty damn left, but part of my hippie liberal beliefs is that everyone has the right to say whatever the hell they want. I don't think it will come as any surprise to people that there are two sides of the abortion debate. In fact, I think everyone knows what the two sides are, what their arguments are, and that they're trying to persuade people to agree with them.

All ads are opinion pieces. "You should buy this." "You should believe that." Granted CBS screwed up in the past by denying other "advocacy" ads--that was wrong. But what I would prefer is for everyone to have the opportunity to express their opinion if they can raise the cash to do so (as long as everyone is charged the same amount.) What's the old saying? "I don't agree with what you're saying, but I'd defend with my life your right to say it."

I'm well aware of the argument that pay-to-speak situations like commercials gives rich folks more rights to free speech than the rest of us, but here's the thing--I'd rather rich people decide with their money what messages they pay to deliver than a huge entertainment network deciding what we can and cannot discuss. The latter seems to have much more insidious possibilities to me.

Why are pro-choice groups giving the ad's storyline free media instead of working together to collect enough donations to buy an ad of their own? (That said, Focus on the Family, you didn't think that $2.5 to $2.8 million would be better spent in, say, Haiti?)

Haaaaaa

Obvious statement of the year: Heidi Montag is a waste of oxygen. The fact that she requires more oxygen than the average person by attempting to sing just makes it all that much more infuriating. Particularly when I have more Facebook friends than she has record sales. Us Weekly reports:

"[I]ndustry sources tell UsMagazine.com that the album has sold only 658 downloads to date."

I'll say it again: Haaaaaaaa.

Speaking of Conversations Overheard...

As an anathema to the gross whores Tami overheard, AO found smart (and apparently attractive) girls on the Metro this morning. From her email:

Hot girl talking to hot friend: He said blowjobs are like flowers for guys. Do I get flowers everyday? No! So why should he, right?

All Men Don't Suck - Your Taste in Them Does

As I was walking back from the gym this evening, I passed by two young women having a very animated discussion.

Girl #1 - who will be henceforth referred to as "blond idiot with ugly boots" - or BIWUB for short (seriously though, what is with calf high boots? Why would you pay to give yourself the effect of cankles or stumpy legs?), said to girl #2, who will henceforth be referred to as "brunette idiot without an original thought" - or BIWAOT for short:

BIWUB - "He is so retarded, and I really hate that word."

BIWAOT - "I so hate it when people use that word."

BIWUB - "I hate it too. It really bothers me - except when it fits the situation."

BIWAOT - "Seriously, sometimes people are just retarded."

BIWUB - "Honestly, he must have an IQ of 34. They all have an IQ of 34. Men suck."

BIWAOT - "Totally."

So there you have it - two MENSA members casting judgment on the entire male population.

Did it occur to this girl that perhaps men aren't the problem? Maybe she just has bad taste? Scratch that - she definitely has bad taste. I saw her outfit, and it was fugly. But in general, maybe she just has bad taste in men. And her little idiot friend clearly doesn't know her opinion on anything until the blond one tells her what it is.

It gets back to that whole, "he's just not that into you" thing. It is so much easier to make excuses, like he's totally busy, he likes me too much, or all men suck, than it is to look inward. Do the mature thing - egg his car, and find yourself a nice boy.

People Ask Me Stupid Questions

Some of them are grammar and/or spelling related. Some of them are how to perform simple computer tasks, like sorting Excel spreadsheets. Some are ever so slightly more complicated technical tasks that are still well within Google's purview. After a recent annoyance, my boyfriend sent me this little gem.

Needless to say, Let Me Google That For You has replaced Kanye This in my heart.

2009 Was a Bad Year...For Movies

Sure, Time called 2009 the end of the decade from hell...but they didn't even mention how bad the movies were. One of my favorite holidays, the Golden Globes, took place on Sunday. Usually this is something I prepare for, like some sort of sport (award shows and Restaurant Week are the closest I get), but this year I didn't get around to looking at the nominees until right before the awards. I was horrified when I finally went to fill out my ballot...

The Proposal?!?! It's Complicated?! Hell, The Hangover?! I loved The Hangover. I laughed the whole way through. It was really funny. But is this an award winning film? Really? In that case, Forgetting Sarah Marshall and 40 Year-Old Virgin were totally robbed. And do I really have to live in a world where Sandra Bullock won a Golden Globe for playing the mother of every guy on my high school football team, but slightly less racist? If she wins an Oscar, I swear to god...

Speaking of the Oscars, the Academy this year returns to their old format of nominating 10 films for the Best Picture category. Here's my question: what fucking films? Can't we just mail the statue to James Cameron and save ourselves the time and energy?

Los Angeles is A Strange Place

When I was a kid, I loved visiting Los Angeles. It was this magical place with great food, good shopping and perfect weather. Don't get me wrong, there still is some great food and excellent shopping. And while the weather is usually perfect, we were just unlucky enough to come the weekend where rain ended the long drought there. But, when I was younger, I never noticed how ridiculous the people in LA are.

Everyone knows the LA stereotype - superficial people that are all trying to break into show business. But nothing makes that seem so real that like witnessing a child that couldn't have been more than 4 or 5 getting extensions in the kiddie hair salon. It was tragic, because this little girl had the most adorable little afro puff, and the extensions were certainly not an improvement.

DC has its own crazy. But, I somehow find it preferable to LA. If nothing else, it's pretty easy to be considered thin and stylish in DC!

And This Bitch is Bored

So I post nothing for two months, and suddenly I post twice in one day. Well, there's a simple explanation: boredom.

I am currently on a plane headed to Los Angeles for a family event - my dad is turning 70. Today is the last day of Virgin America's promotion with Google to offer free wi-fi in flight. That feels really lucky, since the television selection on Virgin leaves much to be desired - well, the free television selection that is (I am a Jet Blue fan, myself - Jet Blue, if you're listening, I happily accept free stuff).

While it may seem a bit hack-y to do a post on the horrors of travel, I am feeling inspired.

As I get older (especially in a post 9-11 world), travel becomes more of a chore and less of a delight. I mean, flying used to be magical. You were flying for f***'s sake! And, people used to dress up for flights. Okay, so I am not old enough to really have witnessed that (or smoking on planes, thank goodness), but I have heard a lot of stories. These days, people don't even get DRESSED to fly. It's all track suits and bed head.

Also, the colder the climate I live in, the more I feel like you practically have to get naked to go through security! Take off your shoes, your jacket, your sweatshirt, your belt. And god forbid you bring a lap top. You have to unpack it from your carry on and scan it separately. AND your quart size bag of liquids that must be 3 ounces or less need to also come out of the carry on. Honestly, what is being accomplished?

About a year ago, I was flying out of Dulles and made the mistake of bringing a trial size body wash that was *gasp* 4 ounces. Well, despite having flown successfully with it about a half dozen times, it was taken away. I turned to the woman behind me in line and said, "don't you feel safer now?" I mean, seriously? The liquid thing feels like such a farce, and most of the screening process feels like theater. If I actually felt any safer, I would probably see it differently. But look at what happened on Christmas. And yes, I am sure there are many attempted attacks we hear nothing about because they are thwarted. But, then I don't hear about those! And intelligence probably plays a bigger role in preventing that stuff than TSA does...but, I digress.

All I know is that the TSA can learn a lot from El Al (the national airline of Israel). Let me tell you, I have been to Israel and they know their shit. The ticket counter people come up to you one by one as you wait in line and ask you a series of simple questions while staring at you incredibly intently. It's intimidating as all get out - but it's worked for them for a long time now. And I recently learned watching CNN (what do you know, I learned something watching CNN? That network is such a joke, but that's for another post.) that in Israel every single airport employee down to the parking attendants and janitors are trained to watch passenger behavior and report anything suspicious. Meanwhile, what is the rigorous training those TSA officials undergo? Seriously, does anyone know?

For the amount of money plane fare costs - not to mention the nickle and diming nature of air travel currently (paying for one checked bag?! RIDICULOUS) - it's amazing the indignities we all put up with.

I don't profess to know the answer. Obviously, there are real dangers in today's society and airplanes appear to be the weapon of choice for a lot of extremists. But, with all the technology we have today (HELLO I am FLYING and on the internet), there's got to be a better way.

This Bitch is Back - For Now

Hello, anyone who is still actually reading this after Elle and my long hiatus. Let me start by saying that I cannot promise we won't lapse again - we are busy bitches, but we will do our best.

So much has happened in the past two months, it is difficult to know where to start. I think the most logical place to begin is on the Jersey Shore.

Can I just say, wow. And not J-Woww - just wow. I thought the Real World cast was comprised of absurd stereotypes (BTW - RW DC is a HUGE let down), but those guidos and guidettes make any Real Worlder from any season look complex.

The absurd nicknames speak for themselves. It is the tanning addiction that really frightens me. Snooki is essentially an oompa loompa - well, an oompa loompa that decided to start hooking. And those guys - they spend more time in the salon than any woman I've ever met. Oh, and I would NOT want to have to clean out the nasty drains of thick hair and gallons of hair gel. But here's the kicker - THEY ARE COMING BACK FOR ANOTHER SEASON!

So there you have it, America is obsessed with fist-pumping, short, orange people whose vocabulary hasn't surpassed the 8th grade level. You know, with Jon and Kate Plus 8 off the air, this kind of makes sense. Clearly, viewers are craving 8 more tiny people to watch bumble around and speak like children, and America needed a new hair style to make fun of. Oh, and we needed 4 tattooed, douchy, Ed Hardy-wearing idiots to replace Jon.