MTV Got Something Right

It's a shocker, I know. But one of the ridiculous reality programs on MTV actually accurately portrays the life of one group: the d-bags of the Jersey Shore.

I had my bachelorette party last weekend, and because Vegas is too expensive and far away, we went to Atlantic City. Wow. Let me just say wow. I have never seen so many tiny but muscle-y, orange men in my entire life. And they are super aggressive.

But, it isn't like they have any game - at least any game that I recognize. Granted, I have been in a relationship for a long time, but I think there are some things that are just universal.

For instance, it is not charming or cute to yell at a girl, "Hey, Bachelorette. It's my bachelor party, and we can have sex until tomorrow." In case you are wondering what I replied, I told him he didn't meet the height requirement.

Other things that are not cute:

1) Grabbing ass on the dance floor when the club turns the lights out (however, that did lead to one of the more quotable nicknames of the party. The "butt bongo pirate" was coined by MR. Well done!)

2) Coming up behind a girl and rubbing your crotch on her while grabbing her stomach. No one touches my stomach.

3) Unbuttoning your shirt down to your belly button.

4) Fist pumping

5) Excessive hair gel

6) Tanning until you turn orange. Seriously, orange.

In spite of - or perhaps because of - the men of the Jersey Shore, I had a wonderful weekend. Thanks to the ladies - including my fellow bitch Elle - for making it a great send off to my single lady status. But, I do still hate you all for the tiara and veil.

This Bitch is Back - For Now

Hello, anyone who is still actually reading this after Elle and my long hiatus. Let me start by saying that I cannot promise we won't lapse again - we are busy bitches, but we will do our best.

So much has happened in the past two months, it is difficult to know where to start. I think the most logical place to begin is on the Jersey Shore.

Can I just say, wow. And not J-Woww - just wow. I thought the Real World cast was comprised of absurd stereotypes (BTW - RW DC is a HUGE let down), but those guidos and guidettes make any Real Worlder from any season look complex.

The absurd nicknames speak for themselves. It is the tanning addiction that really frightens me. Snooki is essentially an oompa loompa - well, an oompa loompa that decided to start hooking. And those guys - they spend more time in the salon than any woman I've ever met. Oh, and I would NOT want to have to clean out the nasty drains of thick hair and gallons of hair gel. But here's the kicker - THEY ARE COMING BACK FOR ANOTHER SEASON!

So there you have it, America is obsessed with fist-pumping, short, orange people whose vocabulary hasn't surpassed the 8th grade level. You know, with Jon and Kate Plus 8 off the air, this kind of makes sense. Clearly, viewers are craving 8 more tiny people to watch bumble around and speak like children, and America needed a new hair style to make fun of. Oh, and we needed 4 tattooed, douchy, Ed Hardy-wearing idiots to replace Jon.