A Note to Anonymous Commenters

Suck it.

I'm totally serious, you're a douche. It's one thing to create a pseudonym, be a regular blog reader, and establish a personality through comments. That's participation and it's a creative endeavor on its own--we're down for it. True confession, Elle isn't my real name and neither Tami nor I are Heather Locklear or Kristen Davis. (I know you're all shocked.)

But if you can't even come up with a name besides anonymous and you're going to nit pick posts, I'll say it again, you can suck it.

Are we going to have the occasional typo? Sure. We have jobs, relationships, friends, television and shopping habits, and cooking skills. This blog isn't our life, it's our hobby. I claim that's why I accidentally called Rice-a-Roni "Hamburger Helper." But that's all a far damn cry from Perez Hilton--his blog is his job and apparently his only passion in life and he still manages to have 8 times the typos.

And "Anonymous," if you really want to get into it "Interesting that there are typos in this very blog" is a fragment, and what follows is a totally ridiculous use of an ellipses. Don't bring out the grammar bitch in me.

This isn't the blog war we intended to start, but a good bitch loves conflict. The long story short is that we're not going to start obsessing for the amusement of an anonymous commenter who has no point for the myriad of reasons listed above. But we are going to mock you mercilessly.

Also, seriously, suck it.

Trying to Start a Blog War

Perez Hilton is a tool. He is totally bought in to his own hype. Now, I am going to be honest. I absolutely check his blog daily. I don't know why, but I can't stop.

But, that does not mean I respect him or think he's a good writer. I mean, he has thousands (if not millions) of readers and his posts are riddled with typos. More than 90% of his posts are quotes pulled from actual news sources (read, glossy magazines and tabloids) and photos of celebs with penises or compliments drawn all over them. And seriously, with all the money he makes, can he not do a better job of building his site and integrating advertising?! His stupid ads make the blog annoying to read - well, more annoying than the shameless self-promotion and the ridiculous lingo he employs (faboosh!).

So, why would a self-proclaimed reader of this drivel attack him on a much less popular and read blog, you may ask? Well, I am hoping to start a blog war! Suck it, Perez! I mean, you know the narcissist has a Google Alert set up for himself, so he can see what others are saying. Maybe if I write enough nasty stuff about him, he will write nasty stuff about us, and then we'll get more readers (and some annoyingly integrated advertisements). Really, there's no downside here.

So, Perez Hilton, I challenge you to a blog duel. I can reprint "news" from Us Weekly and talk crap about Speidi as well as you can (and I can certainly do it with fewer typos and a more extensive vocabulary). So, whatcha made of Mario Armando Lavandeira? That's right, I called you out by the name your momma gave you. What do you think of that?