Threat Levels: Defined

Those readers out there who are privileged enough to also be on my gchat list know that, depending on my level of stress, I often update my status with my "threat level." Much like Department of Homeland Security warnings, my threat levels describe how dangerous I might be at any given moment...as defined by pop culture references, many supplied by my lovely friends when I inevitably pose the question "what's above X?"

So, the official threat levels (this is gonna be a thing, pass it on.)

1. Taylor Swift - Super nice. I never use this one.
2. Elle Woods - Just ambitious and lusting after jewelry.
3. Britney Spears - Just whiny and self-destructive.
4. Lindsay Lohan - Whiny, self-destructive and litigious.
5. Real Housewife of Orange County - Bitchy and a little backstabbing.
6. Amanda Woodward - Bitchy, short-tempered and outright backstabbing. (I love new Melrose.)
7. Real Housewife of Atlanta - Bitchy, backstabbing and of course, hair pulling.
8. Shannen Doherty - Will punch you in the face.
9. Carrie - Will kill an entire gym full of people.
10. Naomi Campbell - Will kill an entire gym full of people while humiliating them.
    

STFU Follow Up

Hot on the heels of STFU, Marrieds, another site I'm likely to submit people from high school to: STFU, Believers.

While I grant that these people are equally (if not more) annoying, at least they intend to proselytize. (I just don't understand what the Marrieds' point is. Yes, we all see that you in a relationship. And that it makes you happy. And it's even more awkward when you want us to see that it makes you unhappy.) Nonetheless, I agree that Facebook statuses are a super annoying place to be preachy. And in case any of you Bible loving, status updating folk happen to be reading this here blog with its profanity and whatnot, may I just tell you, as an atheist, that you're convincing no one. Just shut the fuck up.